Author Topic: Office Jokes  (Read 12990 times)

Offline sethy

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Re: Office Jokes
« Reply #45 on: November 22, 2011, 12:45:34 PM »
Very nice post........
Sazia Afrin Sethy
ID:101-11-1366
BBA Department,
Batch: 25th,
Sec: B.

Offline goodboy

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Re: Office Jokes
« Reply #46 on: August 03, 2012, 09:56:23 AM »
Changed HR policies ...

Casual Fridays:

Week 1 - Memo No. 1

Effective this week, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day. Employees are free to dress in the casual attire of their choice.

Week 3 - Memo No. 2

Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Neither are string ties, rodeo belt buckles or moccasins.

Week 6 - Memo No. 3

Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude. When planning Friday's wardrobe, remember image is a key to our success.

Week 8 - Memo No. 4

A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p.m. Friday in the cafeteria. A fashion show will follow. Attendance is mandatory.
Md. Abul Hossain Shajib.
101-11-1375
Department of BBA, Sec:B.
25th Batch.
Daffodil International University.
Email: shajib_1375@diu.edu.bd
Admin Executive
creative.bd

Offline goodboy

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Re: Office Jokes
« Reply #47 on: August 03, 2012, 09:57:15 AM »
Week 9 - Memo No. 5

As an outgrowth of Friday's seminar, a 14-member Casual Day Task Force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper casual-day dress.

Week 14 - Memo No. 6

The Casual Day Task Force has now completed a 30-page manual entitled "Relaxing Dress Without Relaxing Company Standards." A copy has been distributed to every employee. Please review the chapter "You Are What You Wear" and consult the "home casual" versus "business casual" checklist before leaving for work each Friday. If you have doubts about the appropriateness of an item of clothing, contact your CDTF representative before 7 a.m. on Friday.

Week 18 - Memo No. 7

Our Employee Assistant Plan (EAP) has now been expanded to provide support for psychological counseling for employees who may be having difficulty adjusting to Casual Day.

Week 20 - Memo No. 8

Due to budget cuts in the HR Department we are no longer able to effectively support or manage Casual Day. Casual Day will be discontinued, effective immediately.
Md. Abul Hossain Shajib.
101-11-1375
Department of BBA, Sec:B.
25th Batch.
Daffodil International University.
Email: shajib_1375@diu.edu.bd
Admin Executive
creative.bd

Offline goodboy

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Re: Office Jokes
« Reply #48 on: August 03, 2012, 10:01:22 AM »
Unique job interviews ...

Job Interview Quotations

Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees.

A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle.

Interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time.

Candidate fell and broke arm during interview.

Candidate announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fies in the interviewers office.

Candidate explained that her long-term goals was to replace the interviewer.

Candidate said he never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico.

Balding Candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few minutes later wearing a headpiece.

Applicant said if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.

Applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for advice on how to answer specific interview questions.

Candidate brought large dog to interview.

Applicant refused to sit down and insisted on being interviewed standing up.

Candidate dozed off during interview.

The employers were also asked to list the "most unusual" questions that have been asked by job candidates.

"What is it that you people do at this company?"

"What is the company motto?"

"Why aren't you in a more interesting business?"

"What are the zodiac signs of all the board members?"

"Why do you want references?"

"Do I have to dress for the next interview?"

"I know this is off the subject, but will you marry me?"

"Will the company move my rock collection from California to Maryland?"

"Will the company pay to relocate my horse?"

"Does your health insurance cover pets?"

"Would it be a problem if I'm angry most of the time?"

"Does your company have a policy regarding concealed weapons?"

"Do you think the company would be willing to lower my pay?"

"Why am I here?"

Also included are a number of unusual statement made by candidates during the interview process.

I have no difficulty in starting or holding my bowel movement.

At times I have the strong urge to do something harmful or shocking.

I feel uneasy indoors.

Sometimes I feel like smashing things.

Women should not be allowed to drink in cocktail bars.

I think that Lincoln was greater than Washington.

I get excited very easily.

I am fascinated by fire.

continued..................................
Md. Abul Hossain Shajib.
101-11-1375
Department of BBA, Sec:B.
25th Batch.
Daffodil International University.
Email: shajib_1375@diu.edu.bd
Admin Executive
creative.bd

Offline goodboy

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Re: Office Jokes
« Reply #49 on: August 03, 2012, 10:02:28 AM »
I like tall women.

People are always watching me.

If I get too much change in a store, I always give it back.

I must admit that I am a pretty fair talker.

I never get hungry.

I know who is responsible for most of my troubles

If the pay was right, I'd travel with the carnival.

I would have been more successful if nobody would have snitched on me.

I think I'm going to throw-up.
Md. Abul Hossain Shajib.
101-11-1375
Department of BBA, Sec:B.
25th Batch.
Daffodil International University.
Email: shajib_1375@diu.edu.bd
Admin Executive
creative.bd

Offline Shamim Ansary

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Re: Office Jokes
« Reply #50 on: October 10, 2012, 08:56:23 PM »
"Many thanks to Allah who gave us life after having given us death and (our) final return (on the Day of Qiyaamah (Judgement)) is to Him"

Offline proteeti

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Re: Office Jokes
« Reply #51 on: March 28, 2014, 06:00:33 PM »
hilarious!!

Offline kwnafi

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Re: Office Jokes
« Reply #52 on: July 16, 2014, 10:20:32 PM »
 :D :D :D :D
Kawser Wazed Nafi
Lecturer, CSE department
Daffodil International University
nafi.cse@daffodilvarsity.edu.bd

Offline roman

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Re: Office Jokes
« Reply #53 on: June 27, 2015, 04:01:26 PM »
The European Commission

The European Commission has announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU, rather than German, which was the other contender. Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had room for improvement and has therefore accepted a five-year phasing in of "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make sivil servants jump for joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k", Which should klear up some konfusion and allow one key less on keyboards.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f", making words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e" is disgrasful.

By the fourth yer, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and everivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. ZE DREM VIL FINALI COM TRU!

Herr Schmidt

(Collected from internet)
Md.Rokanuzzaman Roman
Assistant Registrar
Daffodil International University
Cell-01713493103
Ext-203
E-mail-deoffice@daffodilvarsity.edu.bd

Offline Bipasha Matin

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Re: Office Jokes
« Reply #54 on: December 11, 2016, 06:38:07 PM »
 ;D ;D ;D ;D
Sabiha Matin Bipasha

Senior Lecturer
Department of Business Administration
Faculty of Business & Economics
Daffodil International University