10 things that parents should never say to their children...
1. â€œYouâ€™re uselessâ€ or â€œYouâ€™re a failureâ€
Itâ€™s shocking how many parents say this to their children in a fit of anger.
2. â€œI know whatâ€™s best for youâ€
As a parent, you might feel like you really do know whatâ€™s best for your children, but using this phrase is not at all effective in convincing them that you're right.
3. â€œBecause I said so!â€This is another phrase thatâ€™s unlikely to be persuasive.
Parents need to establish boundaries for their children, but â€œBecause I said soâ€ isnâ€™t enough reason for children to be convinced that staying within those boundaries is a good idea.
4. â€œI told you soâ€Itâ€™s tempting for parents to say this when it turns out that their advice that their children had ignored was, in fact, correct.
If youâ€™re a parent, I urge you to refrain from using this phrase. Saying â€œI told you soâ€ is sure to annoy your children and to cause strain in the relationship.
5. â€œSo clever!â€Here are some instances where parents might exclaim â€œSo clever!â€:
A two-year-old keeps his or her toys after playing with them
A three-year-old says â€œThank youâ€ after receiving a present
A 12-year-old decides to learn about Einsteinâ€™s theory of relativity
Parents should emphasize character and values, while not neglecting the worth of hard work and a love for learning.
When parents praise their child, they should be specific, rather than just saying "So clever!"
For example, they could say "That was kind of you to help that lady carry her groceries" or "That was generous of you to share your toys with your friend".
6. â€œWhy canâ€™t you be more likeâ€¦â€
Itâ€™s natural for parents to draw comparisons to other children, but doing so can cause psychological damage to their own children.
7. â€œI wish you werenâ€™t my son/daughterâ€
Some parents say this when theyâ€™re feeling especially frustrated or upset with their children.
8. â€œYouâ€™re such a terrible boy/girl!â€
Children have a strange way of becoming the kind of person that their parents, as well as those closest to them, imagine them to be.
9. â€œYou alwaysâ€¦â€ or â€œYou neverâ€¦â€
When trying to correct their childâ€™s behaviour, itâ€™s much more effective for parents to point out specific instances or examples, rather than tell their child that â€œYou always forget to do your choresâ€ or â€œYou never keep your promisesâ€.
10.â€œDonâ€™t argue with meâ€
When parents say this during a disagreement, they cause their child to feel even angrier and less willing to obey or compromise.
Parents should reason with their child and explain their perspective calmly. Itâ€™s crucial that parents donâ€™t lose their cool!
As a parent, you have the ability to powerfully influence your childrenâ€™s future and destiny.
What a noble yet daunting responsibility!
To all of you parents reading this article: I know youâ€™re up to the challenge.