You will inevitably meet people who don't like you. No-one can be liked by everyone, as much as we may initially say that we want that. However, if you look a little closer at reasons and motives, it is possible to learn some strategies for how to deal with people who don't like you.
Be realistic
You don't like everyone, do you? You will have your own set of values and beliefs. That is good. They will guide you in your life. They will also allow you to judge other people, and some people you will judge negatively as having ideas and beliefs that you really don't like.
Some judgment of this kind is good, so long as you don't judge too hastily. It shouldn't matter to you that not everyone will like you as you would not choose to have everyone as friends.
Remain respectful
You should treat everyone you meet with respect, regardless of how you feel about them. This serves several purposes.
It means they don't have a legitimate excuse for disrespecting you.
It means you don't have to deal with their anger at your behavior.
It means you can retain your self respect, knowing that you have behaved honourably.
Learn to like yourself
A good set of core values will help with this, as will developing interests and hobbies. That way, you will gather more friends who are like you and who will like you for who you are. That way, you will see that you may not need the friendship of others who don't currently like you.
Have faith
Have faith in yourself and who you are and how you act. Correct behaviours that you don't like in yourself and then you will be able to look anyone who doesn't like you right in the eye and have the confidence to think that their opinions of you don't matter.
Don't act desperate
That can be very off-putting. Learn to like yourself and be secure in your own identity and you will draw more people into liking you. Forget about the few that don't like you.
Try talking
If you need to get along with a certain person who doesn't like you, maybe because you work with them or they are in your extended family, you should try to met with them and discuss the issue.
If you feel it is necessary, take a neutral third party with you, but if possible, make it a one-one-one discussion.
Be careful to hold your temper and say simply that you feel there is a problem between you which you would like to sort out. Ask them why they appear not to like you.
And then listen to their answer. You may not like what they say, but they are entitled to their opinion. They may have judged you wrongly or harshly but leave off stating your opinion until they are finished. Then, acknowledge their belief.
After having said something like "I can see why you think that", you have two options. If their dislike of you is for a valid reason, apologize sincerely. Even if you feel their complaint is not valid, assure them of the actions you will take to try to address the situation.
By being open and listening well, you will be able to deflate many problems. This is the kind of positive approach you should take in how to deal with people that don't like you. Admit where you are wrong but retain a self-belief and do not allow your deeply held beliefs to be compromised. Address any issues you feel need to be addressed but also accept that you will never get everyone to like you and it is more important that you like yourself.
By Peter Murphy
