Career Development Centre (CDC) > Career Jokes
Office Jokes
Yousuf.Chy:
"New Age Office Terminology" Is very interesting. Thanks for posting.
Shamim Ansary:
Ultimate Resume
... The ultimate guide to what _not_ to put on a resume...
These are some (allegedly) real-life examples:
=> "Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."
=> "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.
=> "My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."
=> "Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting."
=> "Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet."
=> "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
=> "I am a rabit typist."
=> "Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business."
=> "Proven ability to track down and correct errors."
=> "Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far."
=> "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one."
=> "References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me."
=> "Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers."
=> "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
=> "I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant."
=> "I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice-mail."
=> "Qualifications: No education or experience."
=> "Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."
=> Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!"
jafar_bre:
may be we write this !
nice post .....
regarded
JAFAR IQBAL
ID: 091-27-128
Department of Real Estate
Daffodil International University
Shamim Ansary:
Telephone
A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come in to the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."
Shamim Ansary:
Pill did Work
Joynal had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss Mr. Harun was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Joynal went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Joynal slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version