I. Successful Parents Understand the True Nature of Their Children. We face two dominant views of man, the Biblical and the secular humanist view.
1. The secular humanist view of a child's nature does not jive with reality. Secular Humanism teaches that children are born with a nature that is good and pure and that the environment programs negatives into our nature. They say a perfect environment will produce a perfect child.
In New York city slums were demolished and new housing was built. The secular humanists said, "A lovely new environment will change the behaviour of these rebellious kids." We know that the new environment did not change the kids and in a few years the new housing degenerated into another slum. Sunday morning mutiny comes from within, not without.
2. The Biblical view of a child's nature is consistent with the way children behave. We believe that we were created in the image of God and reproduced in the likeness of Adam. "Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness." (Genesis 1:26 NIV)
"When Adam had lived 130 years, he had a son in his own likeness, in his own image; and he named him Seth. (and Seth did not want to attend church on Sunday)" (Genesis 5:3 NIV)
Adam was created in the image and likeness of God meaning; (1) Adam was a spiritual being with intelligence and free will. (2) Adam had moral integrity and holiness of nature.
Through his disobedience Adam lost his moral integrity and holiness of nature and wanted to do his own thing on Sunday morning. Now Adam had a changed image and likeness which he passed on to his new son Seth. Adam's nature was modified and corrupted by sin. Thus we read in Psalms 51:5 "Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me. (Psalms 51:5 NIV) A primary task of a parent is to break the spirit of rebellion so that the child can be trained to choose the good.
II. Successful Parents Understand that Training Their Children is the Process of Dealing With Rebellion. In my office I have an ivy plant. I am training that plant to grow along the bars separating the panes of glass. I have a specific objective that I wish to accomplish with that ivy plant. I do not allow the plant to chose when it wants to go to church. I determine when it goes and when it stays home.
1. Successful training requires constant, consistent parental guidance. "Even from birth the wicked go astray; from the womb they are wayward and speak lies." (Ps 58:3 NIV) You don't have to teach a child how to lie, to be selfish, or to do wrong. These actions come naturally. When parents recognize that the natural, normal tendency of their child is to satisfy their own selfish nature, they are ready to become successful parents.
I hear parents say, "Kids will be kids and you can't force them to go where they don't want to go." I reply, It's true, kids will be kids and may God have mercy on the parent who lets the kids call the shots. For their own good, children must not be allowed to function under the control of their own nature.
"Scolding and spanking a child helps him to learn. Left to himself, he brings shame to his mother. (Proverbs 29:15 TLB)
The phrase, "left to himself" is sometimes used of animals pasturing without fences or restraint. That's how some people parent.
It's interesting that the first message God spoke to young Samuel was a word of rebuke for Eli, Samuel's elderly mentor. Eli was a negligent parent because he failed to restrain his wild sons. He allowed his sons to chose when they went to church and when they stayed home. Young Samuel found himself between a rock and a hard place. How many times have you had the courage to tell a parent that their children were spoiled and that God was going to judge them for it? That was what God told Samuel to do.
God told Samuel, "For I told him (Eli) that I would judge his family forever because of the sin he knew about; his sons made themselves contemptible, and he failed to restrain them. (1Samuel 3:13 NIV) One day Eli's sons said, "Pops, you can stuff church." Probably old Eli responded, "Now boys, that's not a nice way to talk." Eli the priest raised two rebellious sons and God judged Eli because:
Eli chose to look the other way when his sons sinned,
he failed to exercise his God appointed authority to restrain his boys.
The friend that I told you about last week chose not to adequately exercise his God ordained authority and restrain his boys. That meant that the next level of God appointed authority had to do the restraining. Parents if you neglect to give warm, loving, Biblical restraint to your children, they may experience the cold, harsh inflexible restraint of jail bars.
2. Successful training must have a clearly defined objective. Twelve years ago I took training to become an instrument rated pilot. The training was not completed until I became an instrument rated pilot. Training involves more than teaching. If I had not become an instrument rated pilot I would not have been trained.
Parents say to me, "Eugene, I can't understand what went wrong, I always told my children what was right and what was wrong." Training is more than telling your child what your expectations are. When God says, "Train up a child in the way he should go," He is telling us to do more than tell the child the truth. Many parents feel that exposing their children to the Bible is training.
Don't confuse raising a child with training a child. Raising children consists of feeding, clothing and protecting them from harm. Training is steering your child toward your pre-determined goal.
"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. (Proverbs 22:6 NIV)
The word train carries the meaning of initiating or inaugurating. Airplanes have dual flight controls. The pilot sitting in the left seat is pilot in command. When he says, "I have control the pilot in the right seat takes his hands off the flight controls.
In Proverbs 22:6, God is instructing us to keep our hands on the steering wheel of our children's life until they are established in a certain direction. God is saying, "parents, you are pilot in command and you choose the direction." This choice of direction must not be made by the child on his own. Training results in child making the parents way his/her way.
There is another word used for teach which means "to teach by intensive drill."
"Assemble the people before me to hear my words so that they may learn to revere me as long as they live in the land and may teach (drill) them to their children." (Deuteronomy 4:10 NIV)
"Teach (drill) them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." (Deuteronomy 11:19 NIV)
During instrument training I was drilled over and over on processes and procedures. The objective was to get my mind to rely solely on the messages given it by the flight instruments. for 47 years my mind had been taught to believe the sensations of balance that allowed me to walk upright and not fall down. Now I was asking it to totally disregard all those sensations and go by a new set of principles or laws. The process of training was not complete until my mind and sense of balance was content to believe and follow the flight instruments.
Normal parents grow weary of the process of saying no to the same request over and over again. It's exhausting when children are constantly butting against your restraints and perpetually wanting to grab the steering wheel. Many parents are like old Eli, they eventually give in and allow their children to walk in their own way. They are tired and want rest, training is wearing them down.
One day your child asks, "May I go to Susan's pajama party? "No, your mother and I don't feel comfortable about you stay overnight. "But why can't I?" your daughter asks. She then hits you with this left hook, "Daddy, you have to be able to give me a good reason for not letting me go."
Parents, you are not under any obligation to give your reasons. You may not have a logical reason for not allowing your daughter to go. The fact that your gut instinct tells you that this may not be a wise move is sufficient reason to say no to your daughter's request.
The next day your daughter tries a different approach. "Dad, you are making me feel like a geek in front of my friends. My friends are asking me if my parents brains have fossilized. They say that my parents are treating me like a little poodle on the end of a leash and that parents can't hang onto the leash forever."
Once again you say, "Honey, I wish I had the freedom in my spirit to let you go. Your mother and I don't feel good about it, the answer is no." Whereupon your daughter slams her books on the table and stalks off to her room sobbing hysterically about what unreasonable parents she is saddled with and maybe she should run away from home.
Three cheers for dad, he's still holding the steering wheel in the face of intimidating threats. At this point many parents lose confidence in their authority to make these tough calls. They think, "what if my child runs away?" When I was the father of a 13 year old that "what if" haunted me. It was at this point that I sensed God saying to me, "Eugene, your responsibility is to be faithful to my word. And my word to you is to "train your child in the way that she should go." (Proverbs. 22:6)
"Eugene, obey my word and restrain your child and I will accept responsibility for your daughter."
The next day your daughter changes her strategy. "Dad, I think you realize that I've been trying to be a good example to Susan's friends. How can I ask them to come to the youth group if I don't first of all befriend them by attending their parties?" Then snuggling up to you she looks up into your eyes and says, "Please Dad, won't you reconsider!! Please --- just this once."
That kind of constant psychological pressure wears you down. If you have four children and each of them has honed their skills in the fine art of applying pressure your spiritual and emotional back bone will come very close to slipping a disk.
Training is the ability to maintain your parental resolve and not bend. The reason you don't give in to your children is because you have a clearly defined objective for their lives. Therefore you refuse to do things that are inconsistent with that objective.
CONCLUSION
So far in this series, we have discovered that successful parenting involves:
o Accepting and exercising your God given authority.
o Coming to terms with your own spirit of rebellion so that your discipline is not too harsh or too lenient.
o Opening your eyes to the true nature your child is born with.
o Keeping your hand on the steering wheel, giving constant, consistent parental guidance toward your clearly defined objectives for the child.
If you faithfully do those things your children will rise up and call you blessed.
Collectd
