I'll admit, yeah I'm growing through my own problems in life. I'm doing everything I can, but sometimes it just doesn't like it's enough.
I lost a girl I loved, I loved her so much.
So I'm laying in bed, and the phone vibrates and says I got an email. It says Hello, in the subject, I put the phone down cause I don't want to read an email. I'm to busy laying in bed doing nothing.
After what felt like hours, was probably only half of one, I looked at the email. Here's what the email said:
"HEY future me! I'm in the 10th grade now. I found this cool website that sends an email in the future! How cool is that? So when you get this email, youll be an adult fully. Like I bet you maybe have a nice car or your married or something. But I tell you what. I'm so bored. I'm bored of school, bored of it all. Hey I don't know what life is like in the future of 2017 but I can tell you something that I do know! I want to do something with my life, our life, your life! Its been a goal to do something with life. You know that. Make your self happy and do that thing you want to do. Only thing stopping you is yourself. Don't let anyone hold your heart or your love or your happiness. Your in control! I hope when you read this that you will remember how boring life was back then, and hopefully you are leading a more exciting life. Well ill be you in the future! Bye!"
I didn't even know I did this, I made this. Life to me I say, wasn't boring back then. Today I see it's amazing. But today I say it's boring, will tomorrow me say it's amazing to?
I got to thinking. Yeah, that's right. It makes sense. I gave my happiness to someone, I said I'll only be happy with that special someone, I completely forgot how to love myself.
Do I right now, just want to sit around and wait for things to be better? I can't do that, things don't get better if you do nothing. if you do nothing, you get nothing. If you kinda do something, you kinda get something.
You got to fully put your heart into it, because truth is I didn't give someone my happiness. It's been in me this whole time, I just forgot to look deep within and appreciate who I am.
For so long now, I've looked in the mirror and said, "fattie. No one loves you."
But see that's not right that's not correct. I do love my self. I know it, and I know you love yourself to.
If you can say right now, "I want to be better" or "I want to be happy" then yeah you love yourself.
You see all the time, people doing something and being happy about it. For me it's photography. I never seen someone do their favorite thing being upset.
I wouldn't be crying or be angry doing my hobbies. Because then they're not hobbies. They are chores.
I smile do my hobbies, i laugh and smile and be happy when I do what I want to do.
I know you can do it to. I tried it, yes I have. Suicide I've tried it, and what does it solve? Nothing. It doesn't make you better it doesn't make you happy. It makes other people sad, it makes other people cry.
There is no greater feeling I've found, than making another person smile. We all deep down want to succeed, we all want to see others succeed in life.
When you make that person smile, man it makes you feel great. Because you're the one that did that. They're smiling because of you. You can make millions smiles through your actions yourself included, or you can make them sad, and you'd never feel happiness again.
Because the truth is, we all want to be happy, everyone does. Can we live in a world of happiness and love? Probably not, but we can live in a world where we make it our duty to be happy and to make others happy to.
It ain't easy, sometimes we have no clue what makes us happy. But if you just lay in bed and do nothing, then you won't find your happiness.
I said it before, you do nothing you get nothing, you kinda do something you kinda get something. You fully do it, you will get it.
It's not easy, there will be tears shed, there will be pain along the way. It will hurt, but you will pull through it.
Remember how earlier I said about the girl I loved? Here's what got me through it.
I sat down with my great grandma many years ago and she said something to me I'll never forget, but I didn't understand til recently.
There are two types of people in the world, and you will get them mixed up sometimes. leaves and acorns.
A leaf kind of person, well they're seasonal. They come and go in your life, you'll meet many types of leaves. Sometimes you say or think they're an acorn, and it makes you unhappy. It makes you unhappy because they're doing something or trying to do something that involves leaving you, or making it harder to stay.
Leaves even provide you shade from the harsh sun, but not forever.
Let those people go when they need to go, you'll find more leaves each season.
Now an acorn, here's the truth now, an acorn does come in seasons. But they don't have to leave, they don't want to leave. They want to stay, no matter what. When you have a problem, they want to help you fix it. They want to grow in the ground, they want to start a new life. With you.
Don't discard the acorn, don't mix them up with leaves. Or one day you'll regret it. But if you keep your acorn, you'll start something new and wonderful.
Hearing or reading something is one thing, but understanding is another.
I personally want you to succeed, all of you reading this.
Understand you're not alone. You may be lost and confused, but believe me, your compass is within yourself, I may be here to help guide you along the way, maybe that's my purpose.
But you're purpose is to keep going on. It's tough, it's hard, but you can do it. I know you can.