Does God see my pain?
The story of this dreadful life all began when I was just five. Some good things that groomed me well were when I learnt how to pray to God and obey my parents. I often whispered to GOD all my heart’s desires and frequently he did fulfill it through the generosity of my parents.
At three when I first started to pray I asked GOD to bless my mother with a baby girl. I always fancied Barbie dolls a lot and dreamt of my baby sister to appear as one. I fantasized that I could hurl her and curl her to my greatest imaginations.
After waiting for two long years, my mother gave birth to a baby boy. I was horrified with jealousy and anger that how could God do this to me. I felt isolated as my parents shared their utmost affection with my baby brother which widened the distant between them and me.
Somehow I envied every moment spent with my family. Little things that gave special attention to my younger brother irritated me and left me spiced with revenge. A year passed with hatred and malice in my heart and grudges towards my brother. I turned six and had to shift to another room to myself leaving me restless on certain nights. Days were longer and nights were sleepless. I started to underperform in my studies due to the trauma.
My father happened to analyse the reason for me scoring poor grades. Fortunately, he is a teacher with great insights and began to realise where the problem lied. One day my brother took ill and was rushed to a nearby hospital. While lying sick in bed he started to bawl out and would not resolve to calm down. My parents tried to console him by giving him toys, candies and eatables. Moreover his crying aggravated me and as I tried to rush towards him and hush his cries, to my greatest surprise, I could feel his delicate fingers hold my hands and with a quarter smile he calmed his sniffles. I started to get goosebumps all over my body. My parents observed this miraculous transformation which eased my pain that I had been carrying with a heavy laden heart all this while.
My parents counselled me and explained to me how my baby brother loved me more than anything in this world. He was happier when I was around him. He spoke in his baby language which I felt I could understand it better than anyone around. He enjoyed showing me new tricks of him rolling, crawling and sprawling all over the floor. He amused me with funny gibberish sounds that kept me laughing all along. My days passed by with happy moments and I resumed performing with better grades in my studies. His positive energy was now flowing through every vein in my body.
After travelling through a hellish journey, the dawn of self-realization elevated me to the optimistic side of life. My egocentric thoughts and selfish actions made me realise how self-centered I was towards my brother who always poured out his innocence, charm and affection towards me. Now I am so glad that I have a brother who will grow up one day to be my strength and corner stone in my life.
