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Messages - abu_jafar

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1
Common Forum/Request/Suggestions / Core Skills Your Life Depends On
« on: September 24, 2014, 06:41:06 PM »
1.  Curiosity
Joy comes easy to us in our youth because we haven’t become set too firmly in our ways.  Our willingness to curiously assess new things and varying perspectives allows us to experience flashes of insight and beauty wherever we go.  Those of us who fight the draw of our comfort zones as we age, who sustain our curiosity into our later years, learn a lot more and see far more beauty throughout our lifetime.

Curiosity, after all, is the foundation of lifelong growth.  It allows us to retain a beginner’s mind even as our wisdom expands.  In this way, an enduring curiosity permits our hearts and minds to grow younger, not older every day.

Always remain curious and teachable.  Keep an open mind and do not stop questioning and learning.  Look forward, open new doors and experience new things.  Do so because you’re curious, and because you know that today’s journey is always just beginning.

2.  Creativity
When it comes to human growth, if curiosity is the engine, creativity is the steering wheel.  Creativity is the most powerful instrument of progress – a mindset that endows resources with a new capacity to create possibility and growth.

The world is moving so fast these days that those who say something can’t be done are often interrupted by those who are doing it.  This is precisely why it’s important to exercise your creative mind on a regular basis.  Ultimately, the creative learners inherit the world while the doubters and complacent minds find themselves perfectly suited for a world that no longer exists.

3.  Resilience
Except for your own thoughts, there’s nothing that’s absolutely in your power.  Knowing and accepting this gives you the ability to cope proficiently with life’s constant little inconveniences – a vital life skill we called resilience.

Resilience is accepting reality, even if it’s less than the fantasy you had in your mind or the reality that was once yours.  You can fight it, you can do nothing but complain about what you’re missing, or you can accept what you have and try to put it together to create something good.

As you progress, life will inevitably challenge you on a regular basis.  No matter how much falls on you, keep your head up and plow ahead.  That’s the only way to keep the road to your dreams clear.  It won’t get any more forgiving, but it will get easier and easier to deal with, because over time you will grow stronger and more resilient.

4.  Patience
In the sweetest little voice Winnie-the-Pooh once said, “Rivers know this: there is no hurry.  We shall get there some day.”  This is the power of patience.

Patience is not sitting still.  Rather, it’s mastering your time by applying the right principles in the right way to attain a long-term desired result.  It’s moving forward steadily for as long as it takes to get where you want to go.  Enduring the time between your departure and arrival requires a great deal of will.  But no matter how tedious these moments of waiting are, you have to get used to the feeling, knowing that what you’re working toward is coming your way, even though it’s not with you at the moment.

Ultimately the two hardest tests on the road to personal growth are the patience to wait for what you want and the courage not to be disappointed when it doesn’t arrive as soon as you had expected.  Patience can be bitter, but the seeds you plant now will bear sweet fruit.  These fruits are worth waiting for.  There’s no advantage to hurrying through life and never tasting their sweetness.

5.  Self-reliance
Self-reliance is the most important of all life skills, because without it you can’t practice any other life skill consistently.  It’s honestly a virtue that brings all the rest together.

Quite simply, self-reliance is the unswerving willingness to take responsibility for your life from this moment forward, regardless of who had a hand in making it the way it is now.  It’s taking control of your life, finding your true self by thinking for yourself, and making a firm choice to live your way.  It’s being the hero of your life, not the victim.

Life constantly invites you to be who you are capable of being.  Choosing to be self-reliant is accepting life’s invitation. 


2
Common Forum/Request/Suggestions / Ways to Speak Well to Your Loved Ones
« on: September 24, 2014, 06:39:03 PM »
1.  Tell them how important they are, often.
Here’s a wake-up call for you:  No matter how sure you are of someone’s love, it’s always nice to be reminded of it.

Loving someone and having them love you back is the most precious phenomenon in the world, and it should be expressed as such.  When you truly love someone, be loving in words and deeds every single day.  Don’t beat around the bush.  Be straightforward.

If you appreciate someone today, tell them.  If you adore someone today, show them.  Hearts are often confused and broken by thoughtful words left unspoken and loving deeds left undone.  There might not be a tomorrow.  Today is the day to express your love and admiration.

2.  Communicate your feelings openly.
Your parents may have told you that it’s not what you say but how you say it that counts.  This can be true in a professional setting, but when it comes to your closest relationships open, honest transparency is imperative.

Express how you truly feel.  Say what you mean and mean what you say.  Give the important people in your life the information they need, rather than expecting them to know the unknowable.  Express your fears, tears, doubts and insecurities – let your loved ones experience YOU.  Have the courage to be yourself in front of them.

Relationships flourish when both people are able to share their innermost feelings and thoughts about themselves and each other.  To be fully seen by someone, in raw form, and be adored anyhow, is what love is.

3.  Speak the truth.
As a wise man once said, “I tell the truth because it’s the easiest thing to remember.”  Living through a facade puts an incredible burden on your emotional well-being.  Speaking the truth, even and most often when it hurts, frees mental space and increases your ability to connect with the people you care about.  Keep in mind that a large part of such openness requires taking personal responsibility for your wrong doings.  If you know, for instance, that your actions or words have hurt a loved one, you must immediately admit your faults and face reality.

If you live for the truth now, you will find comfort and peace in the end.  If you live for comfort and peace now by avoiding the truth, you will get neither comfort nor peace nor truth, only wishful thinking to begin, and lasting regret in the end.

4.  Ask thoughtful questions and listen intently.
Too often we underestimate the power of a thoughtful question and a listening ear that’s fully present and focused.  Although it’s a simple act, it may very well be the most powerful act of caring – one which has the potential to turn a life around.

And once you inquire, be sure you listen to understand, not to reply and hear yourself talk.  Oftentimes a reply isn’t even necessary.  Listening is a sincere attitude of the heart, a genuine desire to be with another that both attracts and heals, perhaps without ever saying a word. 

5.  Let your actions speak for themselves.
Actions often speak much louder than words.  When you love someone you have to act accordingly.  They will be able to tell how you feel about them simply by the way you treat them over the long-term.

You can say sorry a thousand times, or say “I love you” as much as you want, but if you’re not going to prove that the things you say are true, they aren’t.  If you can’t show it, your words are not sincere.

And remember, it’s not so much about how much you do for your loved ones as it is about the love you put into what you do for them.  Learn what matters most to them and make a habit of it.

6.  Touch.
Touch has a lasting memory.  Sometimes reaching out and taking someone’s hand is the beginning of a beautiful journey.  Sometimes a long hug speaks louder than all the words in the world.  Sometimes your lips can’t accurately articulate what you mean without using them to kiss.  And sometimes, quite frankly, a moment of touching is the difference between hopeless despair and the ability to carry on.

Physical touch can make or break a relationship and can communicate respect or ridicule.  Some of us require touch more than others, but some physical interaction – be it a hug, a handshake, a pat on the back, or otherwise – is important in your closest relationships.

3
1.  Being unapologetically YOU.
To imitate others is to never truly live.  It’s like YOU never existed.

From now on, forget about what everyone else is doing.  Forget about what kind of person you think they want you to be and just be the most authentic version of the person you are.  Let who you are and what you believe shine through in every word you speak and every move you make.

Figure out which people you genuinely like, instead of which ones you want to like you.  Hang out with people you think are cool, instead of those you’d like to be considered cool by.  Get to know people by telling your own true stories and listening to theirs.  Do things because they interest you, not because you think they make you look interesting to someone else. 

2.  Living through love.
Every human thought, word and deed is based on fear or love.  Fear is an inner energy that contracts, closes down, draws in, hides, hoards and harms.  When you live through fear, you pull back from life.

Love is an inner energy that expands, opens up, sends out, reveals, shares and heals.  When you live through love, you open to all that life has to offer with passion and acceptance.

Love is risky.  Love is unsafe.  Love isn’t for the faint of heart.  Love takes courage.  And most importantly, love and fear can’t coexist.  Love means giving life the opportunity to break your heart, but knowing that there are far better things ahead than anything you’ve left behind. 

3.  Learning from mistakes.
Mistakes are part of life’s natural course.  Everyone makes mistakes; you are not immune.  The only question is:  Do you want them to help you or hurt you?  This decision is one of primary factors that defines your character.

If you lie about having made a mistake, then it can’t be corrected and it festers.  On the other hand, if you give up just because you made a mistake, even a big one, you will never get anywhere worth going in life.

Successful people learn from their mistakes.  By doing so, an error becomes the raw material out of which all future successes are invented.  Failure is not a crime.  The failure to learn from failure is.  Ultimately, mistakes are the price you pay for a full, rewarding life.

4.  Forgiving your past.
The practice of forgiveness is your most important contribution to the healing of YOUR world.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened.  It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life.

You have to forgive.  You don’t have to like what happened, you don’t have to cherish the memories, you don’t have to hold on to the people and circumstances involved, but you do have to forgive them, let go, make peace with your past and move on with your present.  Because if you don’t, you are strapping all the weight from your past to your back, which is far too heavy to comfortably carry. 

5.  Creating your own happiness.
As Abraham Lincoln so profoundly said, “We are just about as happy as we make up our minds to be.”

Happiness is the result of personal choice and effort.  You fight for happiness, strive for it, switch careers, build relationships, and sometimes even reinvent your lifestyle entirely as you uncover it.  Why?  Because you have to actively participate in the manifestations of your own joys and good fortunes – they are not ready-made for the taking; they are available for the making.

Ironically, a big part of this is simply doing your very best and then letting go and trusting that things will work out the way they’re supposed to, without trying to control every little detail of the outcome.  Instead of expecting to always get what you want, you appreciate the journey enough to want what you get.  The joy of the freedom this brings gradually becomes more pleasurable than the outcome itself.

4
Common Forum/Request/Suggestions / Things You Need to Stop Doing Every Day
« on: September 24, 2014, 06:35:48 PM »
1.  Worrying about the wrong people.
The ladies of The Real Housewives of Orange County, they’ll survive without you.  The family members and friends of Duck Dynasty, they won’t notice your absence if you stop watching their show.  Even the private lives of your elected politicians and local public figures mean nothing in the grand scheme of your own life.

But your significant other, your friends, your children, your siblings, extended family members, business partners, employees and customers – these are the people who truly matter to you.  Give them your time and attention.  They’re the ones who deserve it.

And as you meet new individuals, be polite, but don’t try to be best friends with everyone.  Take things slow and remain focused on your core people – the individuals whose absence would immediately make your life less fulfilling.

2.  Focusing all your attention on future events instead of present moments.
This moment will never happen again.  Look around.  Cherish your time as you’re living it.  Work towards something, but enjoy the journey of getting from here to there.  Experience each step.  Don’t succumb to a vicious cycle of overbearing productivity that forces you to constantly think about every imaginable time and place except right here, right now.

It’s often hard to tell the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory.  And someday you will likely discover that the small moments you’re living now are really the big ones worth dreaming about.  So learn to appreciate what you HAVE NOW before time forces you appreciate what you HAD THEN.

3.  Delaying decisions.
Sometimes it doesn’t take as much strength to do things as it does to decide what to do.

Life is filled with difficult decisions.  As you move through life you will come up on many forks in the road where both paths look equally as promising.  The important thing is not which path you choose, but that you do in fact choose a path.

Deciding sometimes hurts.  Not knowing which path to take can be painful.  But nothing is more disheartening than never making a decision.  If you never choose a road, you will never know where it leads.  So when you’re faced with two equally good options, don’t be one of the people who choose the third option: to not choose.

4.  Saying “yes” when you really mean “no.”
Stop over-committing.  While saying “yes” can take you down some wonderful roads, there’s also a ton of value in saying “no.”  Your time in life is extremely limited; do you really want to give it away so easily?

If you don’t have time to commit to a new project, fulfill a favor, etc., it’s a good idea to just say “no.”  Refusing a new request from friends, family, customers, etc. can be difficult, but rarely is it as stressful as over-committing and leaving no time for yourself.

The ambition to be successful in life is not always the biggest challenge, narrowing the number of commitments to be successful in is.  Even when you have the knowledge and ability to access highly productive states, you get to a point where being simultaneously productive on too many fronts at once causes all activities to slow down, stand still, and sometimes even slide backwards.

Bottom line:  Say no when you know you should. 

5.  Buying stuff you don’t need.
Proper money management is one of the most beneficial skills we can master to create a comfortable, happy future for ourselves, and yet it’s a skill that we are often culturally cut off from understanding.  The consumerist society we live in tries to make us feel that happiness lies in owning things and continuously buying new things, and fails to teach us about the happiness not found in things.

When external influences suddenly motivate you to consider a new purchase, ask yourself this:  “Is this thing I’m thinking of purchasing really better than the things I already have?  Do I really need it?  Or am I just being persuaded to be displeased with what I have now?”

You’ve heard the saying, “The best things in life are free.”  Believe it.  Spending time with friends, laughing, enjoying the antics of a pet, seeing a child smile, experiencing intimate and heart-felt moments with a significant other – these gifts are precious and free.  Money brings comfort, and there’s nothing wrong with enjoying that comfort.  But it’s important to spend money on the things that matter to you, and let go of spending that doesn’t add value to your life.  Spend on what you need, but don’t forget why you’re buying what you’re buying, or the spending will become a destructive habit.

6.  Gossiping.
Gossip is the evil.  If you want to know something about someone, ask.  Don’t assume; that’s how gossip grows and spreads.

If you’ve talked to more than one person about something someone else is doing, it’s time to step forward and actually talk to the person you’ve been talking about.  And if it’s truly ‘not your place’ to talk to this person, it’s likely ‘not your place’ to talk about them either.

Ultimately, you should focus on judging less, loving more, and resisting the temptation to gossip about others, or portray them in a poor light.  Be impeccable with your words.  Speak with integrity.  Avoid using your words to gossip about others.  Use the power of your voice to spread truth and love only. 

7.  Filling every waking moment with activity.
Downtime is imperative.  In all walks of life, the highest human performance occurs when there is equilibrium between activity and rest.  This is due to the fact that the human body is designed to labor in short pulses, and requires rest and renewal at regular intervals, both physically and mentally.  In other words, your productive working days should look something like this: activity, short rest, activity, short rest, etc.

Make time every day to not be busy.  Have dedicated downtime moments – clear points in the day to reflect, rest and recharge.  Don’t fool yourself; you’re not so busy that you can’t afford a few minutes of sanity.

You deserve quiet moments away from the daily hustle, in which no problems are confronted, no solutions are explored, and no demands are being made of your time.  At least twice a day, while you’re awake, withdraw yourself from the sources of stress that refuse to withdraw from you.  Do so for a few minutes and simply be and breathe.

5
Common Forum/Request/Suggestions / Things Optimists Do Differently
« on: September 24, 2014, 06:34:41 PM »
1.  They make optimal use of all available options.
Most people get irritated by those who seem “too optimistic,” but this is usually an unfortunate misinterpretation of the difference between and optimist and an idealist.

An optimist is neither naive, nor in denial, nor blind to the realities of life.  An optimist believes in the optimal usage of all the available options, no matter how narrow the supply.  As a result, optimistic people are able to better see the bigger picture.  They can more accurately visualize and mange the present possibilities.  In other words, an optimist is simply a positive realist.

For comparison’s sake:  An idealist focuses only on the absolute best aspects of situations and ignores the negatives in total detriment to reality, a pessimist sees no possibilities at all, and an optimist strives to see all the possibilities so they can find the best possible option among them.

So, when picking lemons off a lemon tree, an idealist endlessly reaches for the ripest looking lemon, a pessimist settles for whichever one is closest, while an optimist picks all the lemons in sight and makes lemonade. 

2.  They respect themselves for who they are.
As a child, you impressed and inspired yourself on a daily basis.  You ran, jumped, swung, sang and danced openly without a care in the world, and without worrying about what everyone else thought of you.  You didn’t need anyone else’s constant approval, because deep down you knew you were amazing.

As you grew into adulthood, the pressure from peers, popular media and society as a whole began to wear on you.  You started comparing yourself to everyone around you.  You judged and measured your body, your lifestyle, your career, and your relationships against other people’s lives.  And when you realized that many of these people have things that you do not, bitterness set in and you gradually stopped appreciating all the great things you do have in your life.

Optimists defend themselves against this self-dislike in two primary ways.  First, they get back to trusting their own intuition when it comes to their daily activities.  They stop asking for everyone else’s approval and simply do what they know in their heart feels right.  Second, optimists don’t judge themselves against a set of unrealistic, third party ideals.  They let go of the ideals and instead hold on to the belief that they are always good enough just the way they are, even as they grow into a stronger, wiser version of themselves.

3.  They disconnect happiness from achievement.
In order to be optimistic, you have to be generally content with your life.  In order to find this contentment, you have to look within yourself.  Happiness, after all, is an inside job.

If you look for happiness outside yourself, by tying it to a specific achievement you much reach, you have two big problems:

You may never succeed. – If you feel like something is wrong with you and needs to be fixed, but you continuously fall short of fixing it, you will start yourself on a downward spiral where every time you fail to fix it you feel even worse.  Eventually you will be unable to succeed simply because you no longer believe in your ability to do so.
You may succeed and decide you want even more. – If you feel like something is wrong with you and needs to be fixed, and you succeed at fixing it, you will likely find something new about yourself that needs fixing too.  Maybe you’ve lost 20 pounds, but now you want tighter abs.  Maybe you’ve paid down your debt, but now you want a bank account with a million dollars in it.  You get the idea.  It’s a never-ending cycle for your entire life.  You never reach it, because you’re always looking for happiness from external achievements.  You don’t find the happiness from within so you look to other sources.
Optimists disconnect achievement from happiness and give themselves permission to be happy, in each moment, without the need for anything more.  This isn’t to say that they are complacent.  They still set goals, work hard, help others, and grow, but they learn to indulge joyously in the journey, not the destination.  (Read Buddha’s Brain.)

4.  They avoid negative people and create positivity.
You are only as good as the company you keep, and misery loves company.  If you spend too much time around negative people, there’s a strong chance you won’t find much to be happy about.  Do yourself a favor and dodge other people’s negativity.  Surround yourself with positive, emotionally supportive friends and spend time together doing things that make you smile.

Optimism is a learned habit, and it is positively contagious.  So surround yourself with people who could infect you with positivity, and then pass your new good mood on to a friend or stranger via kind words and deeds – tell a friend how good they look today, let somebody have that parking space, let that person with only a few items cut in front of you at the market.  The simple act of doing something nice for those around you will help create more positive people to interact with.

The bottom line is that life is way too amazing and short to waste time with people who don’t treat you right.  Surround yourself with people who lift you up when you’re down, and then return the favor when you’re able.

5.  They expect life to be a series of ups and downs.
Just because you’re an optimist doesn’t mean you’re not going to have bad days.  You will – that’s reality.  Life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies.  A foundation of realism keeps things in perspective and helps prevent things from being blown out of proportion.

Expecting life to be wonderful all the time is wanting to swim in an ocean in which waves only rise up and never come crashing down.  However, when you recognize that the rising and crashing waves are part of the exact same ocean, you are able to let go and be at peace with the reality of these ups and downs.  It becomes clear that life’s ups require life’s downs.

Bottom line:  Prepare for the downs but capitalize on the ups – the former makes you sensible and the latter makes you an optimist. 

6.  They use positive language and gestures.
It’s not always what happens that determines your mood, but how you verbalize and express what happens that counts.

For instance, when an optimist experiences a bout of success she might say, “That’s just as I had anticipated; I studied hard and my diligence paid off,” while a pessimist might say, “Goodness, was I lucky to get a good grade on that test,” not giving herself any credit and literally snatching her own defeat from the hands of victory.

If an optimist encounters a do-it-yourself project she can’t figure out, she’s likely to say something like, “Either the instructions I’m following are unclear, or this project is going to require a bit more effort than I thought, or maybe I’m just having a rough day.”  In other words, an optimist uses positive self-talk to keep the struggle outside herself (”the instructions”), specific (”more effort”), and temporary (”a rough day”), while the pessimist would likely get down on herself and interpret the same struggle as internal, widespread, and everlasting.

Go ahead and follow in the optimist’s footsteps by speaking to yourself in a more positive way regardless of whether you succeed or fail, and you’ll gradually become more optimistic.

Physical body language is also important.  Your smile actually influences your mood in a positive way.  When you feel down, your brain tells your face that you’re sad, and your facial muscles respond by putting on a frown, which in turn conveys a message back to your brain that says, “Yep, we’re feeling unhappy.”  You can flip the switch on this internal reaction by adjusting your facial muscles into a smile so they don’t correspond to what you’re feeling.  This is a clever way of sending a different message back to your brain: “Hey, life is still pretty good and I’m doing OK.”  Your brain will respond by gradually changing your mood accordingly.

6
1.  What you love.
When it comes to lifelong labors and dreams, lukewarm is no good.  Hot is no good either.  White hot and passionate is the only way to work and live.

Invest your thoughts and time in the things you love.  Don’t wait around for too long to get involved in something that moves you.  Realize how important it is to be an enthusiast in life.  If you are interested in something, no matter what it is, explore it.  Get up and go after it.  Embrace it, hug it, love it, and above all, let your passion flow freely.

The most important decision you will ever make is what you do with the limited time that has been given to you.  Before you know it you’ll be asking, “How did it get so late so soon?”  So put your thoughts and time to good use, and let yourself be drawn to the strange pull of what you love – doing so will not lead you astray.  Live your life so that when you’re old, you never have to let the person you became fantasize about the person you were capable of being.

2.  Your own inner truth.
Why worry about what others think of you?  Should you have more confidence in their opinions than you do your own?

Truth be told, how others see you is not nearly as important as how you see yourself.  To be happy means to live confidently in your own skin – to be faithful to that which exists within you.  What you’re doing by being yourself is you’re keeping it real, and you’re being really brave.

When you choose to stay true to YOU, some people might refuse to accept you for who you are.  Forget them.  Rather than being fake and incurring the pain and confusion of trying to be someone you’re not, choose to stand strong, even at the risk of incurring ridicule.  When you are comfortable in your skin, not everyone in this world will like you, and that’s perfectly OK.  You could be the ripest, juiciest apple in the world, and there’s going to be at least a few people out there who hate apples. 

3.  What you are willing to sacrifice for your goals.
When it comes to goal setting, you must be specific.  If you find yourself talking to yourself about wanting everything, it means you are treacherously close to achieving nothing.  It means you are avoiding the effort required to get anywhere at all.

Usually, it’s not too difficult to decide what you want your life to look like in a year from now.  What is difficult is figuring out what you’re willing to give up in order to do the things that must be done to get to where you want to go.

This takes serious commitment, and it requires transient discomfort.  When you decide to aim for something higher, you must be willing to suffer a bit of vertigo – the fear of falling.  And you must be willing to fight against that voice of emptiness below you which tempts and lures you to believe that you don’t have enough strength to ascend any higher.

4.  The little victories of each day.
Sometimes the human mind operates in mysterious ways when it comes to achievements and happiness.  We dream of something and we wait and wait and feel like it’s taking forever to arrive.  Then it does and it’s over, and all we really want is to curl back up in that moment before things change again.

Although there’s nothing wrong with enjoying a fulfilled dream, you must realize that it’s just one small moment of your life.  Like every other moment, this one instance of victory is fleeting.  Lifelong happiness is not found in any one particular moment, it’s found in all the moments and memories leading up to our inevitable sunset – all the small victories of each day that fall between the big events.

Ultimately you will realize that your highest aspirations should just be a target – a point on the horizon to step towards.  You may not ever reach it, but you can always look up after every small step and see beauty of where that step has taken you. 

5.  How to help others.
Talk yourself into helping someone today.

No exercise is better for your heart and mind than reaching down and helping others up.  Happiness and success in life doesn’t come through selfishness, but through selflessness.  Everything you do comes back around to you.

The best way to feel alive is to get up and do something positive for someone else.  Don’t wait around for good things to happen in this world.  If you go out and make good things happen, you will fill the world with happiness and you will make yourself smile in the process.

Greet people with positivity.  Encourage them.  Compliment them.  Lend them a helping hand.  Notice their progress, cheer them on and make them smile.  Love and kindness is contagious.  The more happiness and success you help others find, the more happiness and success you will find every single day of your life. 

6.  The immediate reality of your own happiness.
Right now, you have more than enough to be happy.

Right now, you have the full capacity to find something small to celebrate.

Right now, you have a choice to make.

Don’t make the mistake of waiting on someone or something to come along and make you happy.  True happiness comes from within, when you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions, and when you choose to focus on what you have, not what you haven’t.

One of the great secrets to happiness is to pay more attention to the beginnings than the endings.  So many people say they want a new life, but then they take the new one they get every morning for granted.  Don’t do this.  Don’t wait until your life is almost over to realize how great it has been.  A great life begins right now, when you stop wanting a better one.

Scream it out loud:  “Life is good!”

7
Common Forum/Request/Suggestions / Reasons to Hold On a Little Longer
« on: September 24, 2014, 06:31:28 PM »
1.  You are growing from your struggles.
Life can be a struggle.  It will break you sometimes.  Nobody can protect you from that, and hiding alone in a cave somewhere won’t either, for prolonged solitude will also break you with an endless thirst for connection.  You must dare to love.  You must dare to feel.  It is the reason you are here on earth.

You are here to sacrifice your time and risk your heart.  You are here to be bruised by life.  And when it happens that you are hurt, or betrayed, or rejected, let yourself sit quietly with your eyes closed and remember all the good times you had, and all the sweetness you tasted, and everything you learned.  Tell yourself how amazing it was to live, and then open your eyes and live some more.

To never struggle would be to never have been blessed with life.  It is within the depths of darkness that you discover within you an inextinguishable light, and it is this light that illuminates the way forward.

2.  Your heart still burns with love.
Adversity is like walking in to a turbulent windstorm.  As you fight to push through it, you not only gain strength, but it tears away from you all but the essential parts of you that cannot be torn.  Once you come out of the storm you see yourself as you really are in raw form, still holding the passions and ideas that move you, and little else.

Ultimately, there is only what you want and what happens.  When you don’t get what you want, there is only grabbing on and holding tight to the passions and ideas that move you.  These are the lusts that matter – the inner love that defines you.  It is this kind of love that drives you forward and even when the going gets tough.  It is this kind of love that should never be dropped. 

3.  You aren’t crazy – just a little stressed out.
Sometimes when the going gets really tough, the world seems like it’s spinning too fast and you feel completely out of control.  It seems like you’re losing your mind and going crazy, but you’re not.  You need to pause and take a deep breath.

Just about every emotional issue imaginable, from fear to anxiety to the onset of depression, is triggered by a mounting build-up of stress.  Stress impedes your ability to think straight and see the world as it is – a world that is not spinning too fast or burning to the ground.

Being extremely stressed-out and feeling overwhelmed is not a sign that you are psychotic or “going crazy.”  It’s just that stressful experiences make it harder to think clearly and can make you think you’re more out of control than you actually are.  The craziness you feel is stress.  It’s not time to give up, it’s time to regroup and hold tight to your sanity.  The more you relax, the saner you will feel.

Ask yourself:

Am I working too much with not enough downtime?
Am I getting enough sleep?
Am I eating healthy balanced meals?
Am I spending enough time with those I care about?
Am I involved in relationships that cause me excessive stress?
Am I drinking too much alcohol or relying on other (non-prescribed) drugs?
Am I constantly worried about some other time and place?
If you are experiencing any of the above issues, you know what you need to address to reduce your stress.  The vast majority of us never go crazy; the vast majority of us simply fear, at some point, that we may go crazy based on stress factors we allow to reside in our present life situations.

So make sure you fill your time with meaningful activity, get enough sleep, eat well and manage your stress so it doesn’t mange you. 

4.  You have something special to offer the world.
You are only destined to become one person – the person you decide to be.  Do not let your own negativity walk all over you with it’s dirty feet.

You feel a unique gift burning inside you that you want to offer to the world, to help move it in the right direction.  It may be covered up by years of waiting, doubting and defeat, but it’s present and as bright as ever.  If you look deeply enough, you’ll find it.  There is a capable person inside you that wants to soar, to create, to build, to love, to inspire, to do far more than just exist.

Your everyday chores and tasks can be a prison or a pathway.  It all depends on you.  No matter how far ‘down’ you think you’ve traveled, there is always a road leading to higher ground.  There are always great possibilities in front of you, because you are always able to take a small step forward.

Stay true to yourself.  Hold on to your values and passions.  Never be ashamed of doing what feels right.  Decide what you think is right and step in that direction, right now.

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Common Forum/Request/Suggestions / False Beliefs that Are Holding You Back
« on: September 24, 2014, 06:30:02 PM »
1.  Life owes me something.
Just because you’re alive doesn’t mean life is going to hand everything to you.

Life doesn’t just get better by itself.  It isn’t like flying in a plane through turbulence.  Life doesn’t just improve if you fasten your seat belt and wait.

Sadly, so many people expect that a great life is coming to them automatically.  They believe it’ll come next month or next year.  So they continue thinking the same thoughts and doing the same things, just waiting for that day when life will get better.

They come home from work, heat up a microwave dinner and sit on the couch for hours watching TV.  They get on the Internet and spend entire evenings getting nothing done.  They keeping hoping and praying for a change without ever taking action.

When you were younger, you got a trophy if you played sports.  It didn’t matter if you were the leading scorer or the leading benchwarmer.  Adulthood is a bit different.  You don’t get trophies anymore for just showing up.  You have to earn them.

If you keep believing life will somehow automatically improve on it’s own, then you’re going to waste many years of your life in a state of disappointment.

It’s up to you to decide how you want to be.  You are the one that determines the quality of your life.  It is not the people around you, your boss, the government, or anyone else.  If you are serious about being healthy, wealthy, successful, respected and loved, then you are going to have to do something about it.

No one is going to give you the life you dream about except YOU.

Let this be your wake-up call.  Take full control of your life, starting now!

2.  The universe is out to get me.
It seems like life has gone wrong for you in every imaginable way.  You can’t catch a break.  You don’t know why other people are successful and happy, but you’re not.  You believe the universe is somehow working against you.

The truth is the universe doesn’t care about you one bit.  That might sound harsh, but it’s true.  The universe isn’t out to get you.  You aren’t cursed.  You don’t have bad karma following you around.

Why would the universe choose you to be the unlucky one?  It wouldn’t and it hasn’t.  We are all born with a chance to live a full and happy life.  It’s up to you to use the resources the universe has given you – the ones you have right now within you.

If you have an unlucky streak, it’s because you are choosing your own reality with the thoughts in your head and the action you take or don’t take.  If the universe really picked sides, those who grew up poor would always remain poor while the rich would always remain rich.  Obviously this is not true.  There have been many rags to riches stories, and stories of those who have grown up rich and lost everything.

Understand the universe isn’t out to get you.  It wants you to be happy and succeed, but you’ve got to go out and create your own opportunities for happiness.

To start changing how you view the world, start a gratitude journal by writing down three things that you’re thankful for every day.  What this does is to get you in the habit of focusing on what you do have in life – the good, instead of what you do not – the bad. 

3.  I am stuck in my current life situation.
Humans are the only creatures on this planet that can choose to change their life situation at any moment.  A shark can’t one day decide to be a chef.  An ant can’t decide it wants to be a dancer.  Their lives are built into their DNA.

You, on the other hand, can change if you want to.  Oftentimes the only problem is that the fear of change is holding you back.  Excuses keep piling up.  You only remember the times you failed, and this memory scares you off from trying again.  You feel hopelessly stuck in life.

What you need to realize is that life isn’t meant to be a straight line that goes from point A to point B.  Life is meant to be a series of zigs and zags.  It should look like a mess, but a beautiful mess.  It shows that you have changed throughout the course of your life.  You’ve had your ups and downs.  You went down one path, but decided to change course… perhaps on many occasions.

That’s how life should be.  Life is a continuous experience of independent present moments and choices.  So whatever situation you are in right now, just know that it can change if you want it to.

It’s up to you.  You just have to choose something new.

4.  It’s too late to start anything.
How old would you think you are if you didn’t know and couldn’t see yourself in the mirror?

Age is just a number.  What’s important is how you feel.

The only reason you think it’s too late to start is because that’s what you grew up believing.  You believe that you should have everything figured out in life before you reach 30, 40, 50, etc.  The older you get, the less opportunity you think you have to do something new.

You think that you have to cram everything in before the general retirement age of 65.  After that, it’s time to play golf, work on your garden, travel, and play with the grandkids.  This simply isn’t true.

If you’re determined to do something, it is never too late to start.  Here are some famous examples of people who started late.

Ray Croc was 59 years old when he bought out the McDonald’s brothers.  He turned it into an empire.
Stan Lee, creator of Spider-Man, The Incredible Hulk, and Iron Man was 40 when he began drawing these legendary superheroes.  He’s now 90 years old and makes a cameo in every movie based on his comic books.
Julia Child didn’t even learn to cook until she was almost 40 and didn’t launch her popular show until she was 50.
Colonel Sanders of Kentucky Fried Chicken was 66 when he began to promote his style of cooking and create an empire.
Can you imagine if anyone of them thought it was too late to start?  They wouldn’t have created their best life’s work.

Don’t let age stop you from going after your dreams. 

5. Others will think what I’m doing is foolish.
You worry so much about other people’s opinion.  You’re afraid you will get laughed at.  You don’t want people to reject your ideas.  You don’t want to look like a fool.  What you need to realize now:  None of this matters.

At the end of your life when you look back, what you want to remember is a journey that makes you smile.  Regardless of what everyone else thinks of you, if you’ve followed your intuition and done your best, win or lose, you won’t regret a thing.

There have been so many crazy ideas that even the so-called experts thought was a bad idea.  That did not stop these people:

J.K. Rowling was penniless, recently divorced, and raising a child on her own.  She wrote the first Harry Potter book on an old manual typewriter.  Twelve publishers rejected the manuscript.  A year later she was given the green light by Barry Cunningham from Bloomsbury, who agreed to publish the book but insisted she get a day job cause there was no money in children’s books.  The series has sold 450 million copies and made J.K Rowling a billionaire.  So much for publishers who told her, “There’s no money in children’s books.”
Can you imagine a gentleman telling you he wants to build a massive theme park where families can spend time together in a hot Florida swamp?  You might not think it’s too crazy now.  However when Walt Disney wanted to build Disney World, he was rejected for financing over 300 times.
The Beatles were rejected by many record labels.  In a famously quoted rejection letter, a music label said, “Guitar groups are on the way out” and “the Beatles have no future in show business.”  Shortly thereafter the Beatles signed with EMI, brought Beatlemania to the United States, and became the most influential band in the history of rock and roll.
These are just three examples, but there are countless more.  Each person involved was ahead of his or her time, but they didn’t let other people’s opinions stop them.   There might be something you’ve always wanted to do, but haven’t because you’re worried about what others will think or of being rejected.  Let these stories inspire you to realize that good fortune favors the bold.

9
1.  Take chances that make you feel uncomfortable.
The moment you doubt whether you can do something, you cease forever to be able to do it.  Don’t be afraid to feel uncomfortable.  Don’t be afraid to look uneasy and a little silly in front of others.

Running around in your underwear isn’t the solution we’re talking about here, although I’m sure that would feel uncomfortable and look pretty silly.  What we are talking about is growing your inner strength and building your confidence by occasionally putting yourself in situations where you are forced to overcome new and unknown obstacles.

It’s all about your commitment to learning, adapting and growing.  Decide that your visions and goals are more important than your self-imposed limitations.  Dare to try.  Step outside of your comfort zone.  Believe you can and you’re halfway there. 

2.  Fail fast and fail often.
You must encounter many defeats to learn how to not be defeated.  Failing is a process of learning; it helps you grow and know who you are, what you can rise from, and how you can still rise after you fall.  It is this process that boosts your confidence gradually over the course of your lifetime.

You have to remember that it doesn’t matter how many times you fail or how slowly you go, so long as you do not stop taking steps forward.  In the end, those who don’t care that failure is inevitable are the ones that most often achieve success.

3.  Be wrong and be OK with it.
You don’t have to always be right, you just have to not be too worried about being wrong.

Just like occasional failures, being wrong from time to time is inevitable.  People who take the position of always being right aren’t confident, they’re cocky.  They think they know everything and they want you to know it too.  Ironically, their need to always be right imprisons them from being able to learn from their mistakes.

To build true confidence, you have to not mind being wrong.  You have to take a stand, and then admit it if and when you realize your standpoint is wrong.  It’s a process of trial and error that helps you discover what IS right.  And finding out what is right is a lot more important than always being right.

Bottom line:  When you’re wrong, admit it and be secure enough to back down graciously, adjust and carry on. 

4.  Compliment others and help them smile.
The best part of life is not just surviving, but thriving with passion, compassion, humor, generosity and kindness, and using these tools to make the world a happier place.

When we think negatively about ourselves, we typically project these feelings on to others in the form of insults, gossip and incidental neglect.  To break this cycle of negativity, get in the habit of praising other people.  If someone looks nice, tell them.  If someone does a good job, applaud them.  Refuse to engage in backstabbing gossip and make an effort to compliment those around you.  In the process, you’ll help these people smile, which will help you feel good about yourself.

By looking for the best in others, you indirectly bring out the best in yourself.

5.  Laugh in the face of frustration.
The best medicine is a strong dose of laughter and letting go.

When things don’t go as planned, laughing or crying are often the only two options left, because they are both instinctive human responses to frustration.  Both are OK, but laughing usually feels better.

Sometimes a little self-invoked humor is all you need to lift your spirits and light the path forward.  Even in your darkest moments, strive to see the lighter side of a situation and crack a smile.  Doing so will help you think positively and reawaken your confidence about all the possibilities that still exist on the road ahead.

6.  Ignore what most people think of you.
How would your life be different if you stopped allowing people who don’t matter to poison your mind with their opinions?

Do you have 5K Facebook friends and 20K Twitter follows?  Good for you.  Do you have a professional and personal social network of hundreds or even thousands?  That’s great.  Just don’t forget that this massive network of acquaintances pales in comparison to the importance of earning and maintaining the trust and respect of the few people in your life who actually matter – your close family members and real friends.  When you earn the trust and respect of these special people, no matter where you go or what you attempt to do, you will do it with a sense of confidence, because you will know the people who truly matter are truly behind you.

Let today be the day you stand strong in the limelight of your own truth, without seeking needless external validation.  Accept no one’s definition of your life except your own, and seek approval only from the people who truly matter in your life. 

7.  Begin right NOW.
To resist at the beginning is always the easiest choice to make, and it’s also the only choice that guarantees you will never reach the end result you desire.

Too often we fall victim to our own waiting.  We feel we have to wait for just the right moment:  To be promoted, to be appointed, to be ready, to be somehow chosen by the powers above, as if there will suddenly be a moment when everything makes perfect sense and the road to our dreams is effortless.

But the truth is, it’s usually just a matter of thinking, “Why not me?  Why not now?”

Right now, in today’s digital, interconnected world, you have access to everything you need.  You can connect with almost anyone you need to know through social media.  You can build your own relationships and professional networks.  You can design and create your own portfolio and products.  You can use blogging and content marketing to attract attention, customers and funding.  You can choose your own path – you can choose to follow whatever course you wish.

Right now, without calling attention to yourself, you can begin to make things happen.  You can take a small step forward, and then another, and grow more capable and more confident with every new step you take.

10
Common Forum/Request/Suggestions / Negative Social Habits to Quit Today
« on: September 24, 2014, 06:27:21 PM »
1.  Seeking attention by complaining.
I spoke to someone yesterday who all but refused to talk about the positive aspects of their life.  After listening to their troubles, I asked about some of the cool projects they have going on.  Within two sentences, they were back to complaining about trivial things.  We all need to share our troubles with friends or strangers from time to time, but don’t fall into the habit of turning conversations into your own personal dumping ground 100 percent of the time.  It’s an easy way to get attention, but it’s a poor way to keep it; and it’s a poor way to view your life.

2.  Focusing on your inner monologue instead of the dialogue in front of you.
“Holy crap!  That’s a great idea.  Wow.  What can I say that will sound smart and clever?  I really hope they think I’m intelligent.  I could touch on symbolism or make a reference to post-modernism.  Wait – what did they just ask me?”  Stay focused on the other person’s words and points.  People rarely mind when you say, “Hmm. Let me think about that for a second.”  Quite the opposite, since it shows that you’re taking the conversation seriously.  If you compose your answers while someone else is speaking, you’re really only having half a conversation. 

3.  Multi-tasking while you chat.
Even if you are a professional multi-tasker, if you’re talking to someone, talk to them, and that’s it.  Don’t browse online, don’t watch TV, don’t update your to-do list, and please, don’t eat while you’re on the phone.  Whether they say so or not, it really annoys the person you’re talking to.  If you really don’t have the time to talk, be honest and find another time, or cut it short.

4.  Not paying attention to the people you care about most.
Pretending to listen while your mind wanders to your work day, etc.  Do you really think your loved ones can’t tell?  They can.  And even more importantly, they need you to listen sincerely and thoughtfully.  There is no greater gift of love and no greater expression of caring that you can offer the special people in your life, than your undivided time and attention.  You need to remember that ‘love’ is listening, and everyone wants to be heard. 

5.  Constantly fishing for compliments.
“Oh, I look terrible today.” – after someone compliments you.  “I just threw it together at the last minute.” – when you obviously dressed up.  “I’m really not good at things like this.” – when the people you’re with know you are.  Please.  Stop.  It’s not flattering.  Read Changing Behavior.

6.  De-emphasizing compliments with self-effacing remarks.
It’s okay to say “thank you” when you’re complimented.  By making a self-effacing comment, you nearly force the other person to repeat their compliment, which is not a gracious thing to do.  Acknowledging a compliment isn’t snobby – like you’re admitting that you think you’re just grand – it’s a simple courtesy.  Besides, you earned it.  Saying “thank you” not only makes the other person feel good, it’s a healthy reminder that you’re responsible for some really good things in your life.

7.  Cutting people off mid-sentence.
The only time this is okay is when you’re in an intense brainstorming session.  Or you’ve got an urgent situation to attend to.  Or you haven’t seen your best friend in months.  Okay, so this habit is kind of elastic, but you get the gist.  Most of the time, interrupting just means that you’re missing the best parts of the conversation.  Plus, you’re showing your chat partner that you value your own thoughts over theirs.

8.  An unsupportive attitude.
The greatest compliment you can give to someone is to believe in them and let them know you care.  When you see something true, good and beautiful in someone, don’t hesitate to express your appreciation.  When you see something that is not true, good and beautiful in someone, don’t neglect to give them your wholehearted blessings and best wishes.

9.  Trying to please everyone.
This one is about keeping your sanity.  No matter how loud their opinions are, others cannot choose who you are.  The question should not be, “Why don’t they like me when I’m being me?” it should be, “Why am I wasting all my time and energy worrying what they think of me?”  If you are not hurting anyone with your actions, keep moving forward with your life.  Be happy.  Be yourself.  If others don’t like it, let them be.  Life isn’t about pleasing everybody. 

11
Common Forum/Request/Suggestions / Unique Ways to Forgive and Let Go
« on: September 24, 2014, 06:24:46 PM »
1.  Stop trying for a while.
If you’re trying hard and haplessly making zero progress, stop trying.  Stop trying and start being.

When you see yourself as trying – to do something else or get somewhere else – you don’t interpret what you have and where you are as being good enough.  This perception of constantly trying makes living seem like an endless struggle.

There is great value within you right here, right now.  Allow it to come out, willingly and without a struggle.  Instead of trying to get to some other point in your life, give your full attention to doing your very best with the life you are living now.  Instead of believing that you are not there yet, be grateful that you are right where you are meant to be at this moment.

Yes, by all means set goals and take steps in the right direction, but don’t disregard the steps as you take them – these steps are your life’s story.  Let go of all the needless trying and let yourself take these steps peacefully and mindfully.  Let go of the judgments, forgive the past, and let this moment be as incredible as it is. 

2.  Be the watcher of your thoughts and emotions.
In his best selling book, The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle tells us to be the watcher of our thoughts.  What he suggests is that instead of trying to change our thoughts – via gratitude or deliberate forgiveness, for example – we need to simply notice our thoughts without getting caught up in them.

You are ultimately the sole creator of your own feelings.  When negative thoughts arise based on past experiences or future worries, as they sometimes will, realize that these are simply issues your mind (not you) is working through.  Pause, be present and pay close attention.  Think about these thoughts and emotions consciously, almost as if you were a bystander looking in.  Separate yourself from your mind’s thinking.

Perhaps after you study your thoughts and emotions you will think to yourself, “Wow, am I really still working through that?”  And guess what?  Over time, your negative feelings and emotions will lessen and genuine awareness, love and acceptance will grow in their place.  You will begin to realize that your mind is just an instrument, and you are in control of your mind, not the other way around.

By not judging your thoughts or blaming them on anyone else, and merely watching them, there will be a big shift within you – your sense of self worth.

It’s not like you won’t get upset anymore or never feel anxious, but knowing that your thoughts and emotions are just fleeting feelings that are independent of YOU will help ease your tension and increase your positive presence, allowing you to forgive and let go.

3.  Love.
Feeling sorry for yourself and sabotaging the present moment with resentful thoughts of the past won’t make anything better.  Hurting someone else will never ease your own inner angst.

If you’re disappointed with yourself or frustrated with someone else, the answer is not to take it out on the world around you.  Retribution, whether it’s focused on yourself or others, brings zero value into your life.

The way beyond the pain from the past is not with vengeance, mockery, bullying or retaliation, but with present love.

Forgive the past, forgive yourself, forgive others, and love the present moment for what it’s worth.  There are plenty of beautiful things to love right now; you just have to want to see them.  Loving is never easy, especially when times are tough, yet it is easily the most powerful and positively enduring action possible.

If you’re feeling pain, don’t take action that creates even more pain.  Don’t try to cover darkness with darkness.  Find the light.  Act out of love.  Do something that will enable you to move forward toward a more fulfilling reality.  There is always something good you can do.  There is always love to give.  Fill your heart with it and act in everyone’s best interest, especially your own.

4.  Seek positive revenge by living well.
Are you contemplating revenge?  You know that’s negative thinking getting the best of you.  However, there is a way to seek revenge positively.

How?  Forget about them.  Remember you.  Working on a better you is more fulfilling than hanging on to contempt of others.  Let it all go and hold on to your growth and kindness instead.  If you train yourself to consistently be more loving in thoughts and actions, your positive energy will attract more positive results into your current reality.

Be unlike the person or situation that hurt you.  Let go and grow past your pain.  Carry on living well in a way that creates peace in your heart.  The energy you would spend trying to get real revenge can be better spent creating an amazing future for yourself.

The bottom line is that the best revenge is happiness, because nothing drives your adversaries more insane than seeing a fresh smile on your face. 

5.  Let go of the need to forgive every mistake.
Mistakes are the growing pains of wisdom.  Most of the time they just need to be accepted, not forgiven.

There is an obvious shift in your heart and mind that happens when you go from feeling hurt and upset to peaceful and loving, but it’s not necessarily forgiveness that’s taking place, it’s just the realization that there was nothing to forgive in the first place.

To help you wrap your head around this concept, try to look at your situation from 40,000 feet.  Imagine a more seasoned, wiser and more compassionate version of yourself sitting at the mountaintop of life, looking down and watching as the younger minded, current version of you hacks your way through life.

You see yourself holding on to false beliefs and making epic errors of judgment as you maneuver through life’s many obstacles.  You watch the children of the world growing up in challenging times that test their sense of self-confidence, yet they push forward bravely.  You see the coming generation radiating with passion and love as they fail forward, learning through their mistakes.

And you have to wonder:  Would this wiser version of yourself conclude that everyone in their own unique way was doing their very best.  And if everyone is trying to do their best, what needs to be forgiven?  Not being perfect?

Perfection doesn’t exist.  Forgiveness is oftentimes the simple realization that there is nothing that actually needs to be forgiven.

12
Common Forum/Request/Suggestions / Things Happy People Never Do
« on: September 24, 2014, 06:23:14 PM »
1.  Mind other people’s business.
Forget about what others are doing.  Stop looking at where they are and what they have.  Nobody is doing better than you because nobody can do better than you.  YOU are walking your own path.  Sometimes the reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes circumstances with everyone else’s public highlight reel.  We listen to the noise of the world, instead of ourselves.  So stop the comparisons!  Ignore the distractions.  Listen to your own inner voice.  Mind your own business.

Keep your best wishes and your biggest goals close to your heart and dedicate time to them every day.  Don’t be scared to walk alone, and don’t be scared to enjoy it.  Don’t let anyone’s ignorance, drama, or negativity stop you from being the best you can be.  Keep doing what you know in your heart is right, for YOU.  Because when you are focused on meaningful work and at peace within yourself, almost nothing can shake you. 

2.  Seek validation of self-worth from others.
When you are content to simply be yourself, without comparing and competing to impress others, everyone worthwhile will respect you.  And even more importantly, you will respect yourself.

How are you letting others define you?  What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

Truth be told, no one has the right to judge you.  People may have heard your stories, and they may think they know you, but they can’t feel what you are going through; they aren’t living YOUR life.  So forget what they think and say about you.  Focus on how you feel about yourself, and keep walking the path that feels best under your feet.

Those who accept you are your friends.  Those who don’t are your teachers.  If someone calls you something and it’s true, it’s not your problem because it’s true.  If someone calls you something and it’s not true, it’s not your problem because it’s not true.  Either way, whatever they call you is not your problem.  What other people call you is their problem…

What you call yourself, and who you decide to become, is your problem.

3.  Rely on other people and external events for happiness.
Unhappiness lies in that gap between what we have now and what we think we need.  But the truth is, we don’t need to acquire anything more to be content with what we already have.  We don’t need anyone else’s permission to be happy.  Your life is magnificent not because someone says it is, or because you have acquired something new, but because you choose to see it as such.  Don’t let your happiness be held hostage.  It is always yours to choose, to live and experience.

As soon as you stop making everyone and everything else responsible for your happiness, the happier you’ll be.  If you’re unhappy now, it’s not someone else’s fault.  Take full responsibility for your own unhappiness, and you will instantly gain the ability to be happier.  Stop seeking in vain to arrange conditions that will make you happy.  Simply choose to appreciate the greatness that is yours in this moment, and the right conditions will start to line up around the contentment you seek.

The greater part of your happiness or unhappiness depends upon your outlook, and not upon our situation.  Even if things aren’t perfect right now, think of all the beauty still left around you.  A good reason to smile is always one thought away; choose to tap into it any time you like.

4.  Hold on to resentment.
Let today be the day you stop being haunted by the ghosts from your past.  What happened in the past is just one chapter in your story; don’t close the book, just turn the page.

We’ve all been hurt by our own decisions and by others, and while the pain of these experiences is normal, sometimes it lingers for too long.  Feelings of resentment urge us to relive the same pain over and over, and we have a hard time letting go.

Forgiveness is the remedy.  It allows you to focus on the future without combating the past.  To understand the infinite potential of everything going forward is to forgive everything already behind you.  Without forgiveness, wounds can never be healed and personal growth can never be achieved.  It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened.  It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life.

5.  Spend prolonged periods of time in negative environments.
You can’t make positive choices for the rest of your life without an environment that makes those choices easy, natural, and enjoyable.  So protect your spirit and potential from contamination by limiting your time with negative people and the environments they inhabit.

When other people invite you to act like victims, when they whine and moan about the unfairness of life, for example, and ask you to agree, to offer condolences, and to participate in their grievances, WALK AWAY.  When you join in that game of negativity you always lose.

Even when you’re alone, create a positive mental space for yourself.  Make it a point to give up all the thoughts that make you feel bad, or even just a few of them that have been troubling you, and see how doing that changes your life.  You don’t need negative thoughts.  They are all lies.  They solve nothing.  All they have ever given you is a false self that suffers for no reason.

6.  Resist the truth.
It is a certain deathtrap when we spend our lives learning how to lie, because eventually these lies grow so strong in our minds that we become bad at seeing, telling and living our own truth.  Lives come apart so easily when they have been held together with lies.  If you resist the truth, you will live a lie every day as the truth haunts your thoughts every night.  You simply can’t get away from your truth by moving dishonestly from one place to the next.

So don’t bend; don’t water it down; don’t try to hide the truth with deception; don’t edit your own soul according to the fashion of what’s popular.  It is better to offer no explanation or excuse than a false one.  It takes courage and strength to admit the truth, but it is the only way to truly live.  Accept what is, embrace it fully, and live for the possibilities that lie ahead.

13

Whatever it is you need to achieve in life, take everything in stride, one tiny step at a time.

Don’t build mountains in your mind.  Don’t try to conquer the world all at once.  When you seek instant gratification you make life unnecessarily painful and frustrating.  When you choose instead to treat each moment as an opportunity to make a small, positive, investment in the present moment, the rewards come naturally.

Although each individual effort in each moment may seem to have an insignificant impact when you make it, at some point you’ll look back and realize the momentous impact these moments created once they were added together.  By moving at this sustainable pace, you’ll be able to continue moving forward for as long as it takes to get precisely where you need to go.

Take a step now, then another, and keep on stepping.  You are responsible for getting what you need in life.  It always comes down to your actions in the present moment.  You choose: either action and results, or inaction and excuses.  You can’t have both.

You may not feel like taking another step right now, and that’s fine.  Take a break, rest, and then take another step as soon as possible.  Know that the pain of discipline and persistence is far less than the pain of regret.  No one has ever given their needs their best shot and regretted it.

14
Common Forum/Request/Suggestions / Ask yourself the right questions
« on: September 24, 2014, 06:21:04 PM »
Stop looking outside yourself for the answers.  Start asking yourself the right questions.  Voltaire once said, “Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers.”  This is such sound advice, because if you keep asking yourself the wrong questions, you will never get an answer you like.

The questions you’re regularly exposed to have a powerful influence on the direction of your life.  And, not surprisingly, the questions you hear most often come directly from YOU.  What questions are you asking yourself?  Are they helping you better understand yourself?  Or are they sending you on a wild goose chase?

The problem is that when you think you have to “look” for things in life like love, meaning, and inspiration, the “looking” implies that these things are somehow hiding behind some bushes somewhere, just waiting to be discovered.  So you start asking yourself questions that lead you further and further outside yourself, which is not where the answers you seek live.

In life you have to create your own love, define your own meaning, and harbor your own inspiration.  This process starts on the inside, not somewhere else.  Much of this can be accomplished simply by asking yourself the right questions.  Start with these:

“Who am I?”
“What do I need?”
“How do I function best?”
“What do I have to give?”
“What’s the next step I can take right now?”
Obviously, there are many other questions you can ask as well.  It’s all about self-inquiries that help you stay true to your principles, pursue your passions, grow through adversity, and add value to the world around you.

15
Common Forum/Request/Suggestions / Be willing to be vulnerable
« on: September 24, 2014, 06:20:20 PM »

What happens when people open their hearts and minds?  They experience.  They love.  They learn.  They grow.  That’s what vulnerability is – the openness to possibility.  Love is vulnerability.  Happiness is vulnerability.  The risk of being vulnerable is the price of opening yourself to beauty and opportunity.

Being vulnerable is not about showing the parts of you that are polished; it’s about revealing the unpolished parts you would rather keep hidden from the world.  It’s showing up and letting yourself be fully seen.  It’s looking out into the world with an honest, open heart and saying, “This is me.  Take me or leave me.”

The truth is, nothing worthwhile in this world is a safe bet.  Since love and happiness are born out of your willingness to be vulnerable, to be open to something wonderful that could be taken away from you, you must accept it.  Because when you hide from your vulnerability, you automatically hide from everything in life worth attaining.

Be vulnerable.  Allow yourself to feel, to be open and authentic.  Tear down any emotional brick walls you have built around you and feel every unique emotion, both good and bad.  This is real life.  This is how you welcome new opportunities.  Vulnerability sounds like honesty and feels like courage.  Honesty and courage aren’t always the easiest choices, but they’re never the wrong ones.

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