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Career Development Centre (CDC) => Guidance for Job Market => Career Planning => Career Guidance => Present yourself => Topic started by: Shamim Ansary on July 17, 2010, 05:14:19 PM

Title: Get Rid of a Deflated Ego
Post by: Shamim Ansary on July 17, 2010, 05:14:19 PM
Once upon a time, a hungry orphan boy climbed up a tree and ate some leaves. He thought to himself, “I must be the most pathetic creature on Earth. No one takes care of me, no one loves me, and here I am eating nothing but leaves.” As he looked down, he saw a hungry orphan girl eating nothing but the dried leaves that fell from the tree. The girl can't climb the tree to eat the fresh leaves because she's crippled. Then and there, the boy realized that he's not as pitiful as he once thought, because there's always someone out there who's more needy.

We all go through phases of self-pity, especially when we don't realize our goals or if our frustrations get in the way of us leading meaningful and complete lives. Egos need to be stroked every now and then so that we can feel special and needed. A deflated ego can get in the way of us getting back on our feet, look forward to what the future holds, and live life with a positive outlook. Here are some ways to get rid of a deflated ego and restore self-confidence.

Put Things Into Perspective

Defeat is never easy to take, especially if you desperately want to succeed in something. Remember that not all things are a matter of life and death, and it's OK to fail at some things in life. Keep a healthy, optimistic outlook in life. Here are some ways that you can put a deflated ego into perspective:

Don't judge yourself on the basis of a single failure. One failure does not have to define the rest of your life. Even the most successful people have failed, and continue to fail, at a lot of things in life. One failure is nothing compared to the many big and small successes that have come your way.

What goes up must come down. Success is very difficult to sustain, especially if you get your head way up in the clouds. Failure is a great teacher because it puts you in the right frame of mind for other failures that will eventually come your way.

Some things are not meant for you. Not all people are meant to meet an equally high level of success as others. You get what you deserve, especially if you work hard to get them. Don't be jealous of the success of other people, because there are a lot of things that you should be proud of in your own life.

Make Yourself Feel Good

In the same way that you reward yourself for meeting a goal or a deadline, you should also reward yourself for giving everything you have to a goal regardless of the outcome. A failure may not be a good reason to celebrate, but you should reward yourself for your hard work. A vacation, some sweet treats, or a hearty dinner can help you get over feelings of self-pity and depression. (For tips on how to battle depression and win)

It also helps to think of yourself positively even if you did fail, or if you feel down-and-out because of a bad event that took place. Rewards can help you recover and recuperate from depressing events. The important thing to remember is to never reward yourself because of failure. You only deserve a reward if you feel that your hard work and efforts are enough to be rewarded even if you did fail.

Do Some Life-Troubleshooting

It's unhealthy and even dangerous to think that you're “victimized.” All mistakes come from somewhere. Whenever you feel down and you feel that you've made a lot of mistakes, it's important to take some time to rationalize your errors.

Troubleshooting is not only for computer programmers. The skill is also very helpful in organizing your life and restoring your sense of self-confidence. Here are some ways that you can put your mistakes into perspective:

Sort out your mistakes. There are three kinds of mistakes: mistakes you made yourself, mistakes other people made and you're now burdened with, and mistakes you cannot do anything about. On a sheet of paper, list and organize the mistakes that you feel are making and keeping you depressed.
Get to the root of the mistake. Now that you have a list of mistakes, it's time for you to trace their origins. You're not playing the blame game; instead, you are merely organizing your mistakes to see what mistakes can be corrected, and what mistakes have permanent consequences.

Resolve your mistakes. Your organized list of mistakes can now help you correct your errors. For those mistakes that you yourself caused, take responsibility for them. You don't have to go after the people who have wronged you with your list at hand. Focus your energies instead on correcting and taking responsibility for your own faults. The mistakes committed by other people will eventually correct themselves, so you don't have to rush. For those mistakes that you can't do anything about, you'll just have to live your life as fully as you can even with them in mind.
Learn From Your Mistakes

All the troubleshooting in the world is useless if you don't learn anything from your mistakes. The lessons you learn from your mistakes make you a better person. There's always something to learn from a mistake, whether it's at work, school, or in life.

Failures also help you deal with success with a more humble and level-headed outlook. Success can sometimes blind you into thinking that you've learned just about everything needed to live. Failure puts things into perspective. Humble pie may not taste very good, but it does teach you a lot about how to deal with failure, and how to turn lessons from failure into a fast-track to success.

Get Over It

Sometimes you may need a serious reality check to pull yourself together. If you brood and bemoan over your failures for too long, you'll live the rest of your life as a failure. Lots of people fail, and not all people go through phases of self-pity. You may end up talking to people about how miserable you are and how you're not moving forward with your life, to the point that others get annoyed and ticked off.

Prolonged self-pity may get you the attention you crave for other people, but it does not get you their acceptance or compassion. You can't live the rest of your life pitying yourself, and the people around you can't live the rest of their lives pitying you. Sometimes you need that harsh reality check that the world does not revolve around you, so you should pick up the pieces of your bruised ego, pull yourself together, and get back on your feet.

Consult a Professional

Serious self-pity and a lack of self-confidence may be a symptom of a mental illness or an emotional disorder (For information on disorders, read The guide to disorders). A psychiatrist may sometimes prescribe medication or psychotherapy to restore you to a healthy, positive mental state. If you feel that your own self-doubt, self-loathing, and your feeling of worthlessness is getting in the way of your work, family, and your relationships with other people, then you need to consult a counselor or a professional psychiatrist.

An old Persian proverb goes, “I cried when I had no shoes, then I saw someone who had no feet.” Whenever you feel down and out and feel that you're the most pathetic person in the world, chances are there will be a lot of people who will challenge your claim. Eventually you'll learn to accept yourself as a competent person, and your pride and ego are more important than the failures and mistake you deal with as you live. If this article helped you, then how to build self-confidence or how to build self-esteem will help you too.

Title: Self-Respect: Learn to Respect Yourself Attracts Respect from Others
Post by: Shamim Ansary on July 20, 2010, 09:00:12 AM
Too many people expect to be respected by others when they don't act respectfully themselves. Once you learn to respect yourself, you will attract respect from others. Here are some guidelines for learning self-respect.

"I want him to respect me."

"If people respect me, I'll respect them."

"My kids should respect me (it doesn't matter how I treat them)."

If you don't respect yourself, you'll never respect others.

Self-Respecting People

1. Think about how their behavior affects the people around them

2. Consider what they say before blurting out hurtful words

3. Understand the Golden Rule according to Eugene Brown, LPC (my former supervisor and mentor): Do unto others as they need to be done unto

4. Seek first to understand, then to be understood (Stephen Covey, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People)

5. Take responsibility for their behavior

6. Let go of the need to hold grudges

Let's look at these six ideas about self-respect:

1. Think about how their behavior effects the people around them

Self-respecting people realize that they don't live in a vacuum; their behavior affects others. They think about what they do and ask themselves, "How will my doing ________ affect the people I care about/my coworkers/others I come in contact with?" They weigh the consequences carefully before acting.

2. Consider what they say before blurting out hurtful words

When self-respecting people engage in disagreements with others, they act diplomatically. Yes, they experience anger just like the rest of us, but they choose their responses instead of allowing a knee-jerk reaction to determine what happens next. They realize that hurtful words won't help their partner understand what is wrong and will harm the relationship.

3. Understand the Golden Rule according to Eugene Brown, LPC (my former supervisor and mentor): Do unto others as they need to be done unto

This ties into understanding that their behavior impacts others. They realize that just because they would like something done a certain way, that others may not agree. They take the time to learn how others need to be treated, rather than just using a "one size fits all" approach.

4. Seek first to understand, then to be understood (Stephen Covey, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People)

Self-respecting people understand the value of active listening. They know that if people feel understood, then they are more likely to be willing to listen to another person's point of view. Self-respecting people do not try to push their views on others to be understood first. They are willing to work to earn the other person's respect and trust.

5. Take responsibility for their behavior

This means they are willing to admit when they are wrong. They feel comfortable with themselves and don't feel threatened if they make a mistake. Their ego isn't tied up in always needing to be right. This also means that the self-respecting person lets others be responsible for their behavior, letting go of the need to control them or change them.

6. Let go of the need to hold grudges

Self-respecting people realize that when they hold a grudge, they keep themselves locked into anger and resentment. They know they will keep growing as a person when they allow others to be responsible for their behavior instead of holding a grudge to try to make others change.

By Michelle Enis Vasquez
Title: Re: Get Rid of a Deflated Ego
Post by: jafar_bre on August 25, 2010, 12:00:44 AM
yes  dear bro

ego problem solve must ..........................


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