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Things can do to build self-esteem

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Golam Kibria:
As has been shown in the previous sections, your self-esteem comes from your core beliefs about your value as a person. If you want to increase your self-esteem you need to challenge and change these beliefs. This might feel like an impossible task, but there are a lot of different ways that you can do this. Some techniques or activities you might find helpful are set out below.

Identify your negative beliefs

If you are going to improve your self-esteem, it is important to understand a little bit about what your core negative beliefs are and where they came from. This could be a painful process, so it is important to take your time, and perhaps ask a friend or partner to support you. If you are feeling very distressed, then it might be better to seek professional help – see below for more information about this.

It might be helpful to write down notes, and questions such as these could help to structure your thoughts:

    *What do you feel are your weaknesses or failings?
    *What negative things do you think other people think about you?
    *If you could sum yourself up, what word would you use – ‘I am…’?
    *When did you start feeling like this?
    *Can you identify an experience or event that might have caused this feeling?
    *Do certain negative thoughts recur on a regular basis?

Golam Kibria:
Positive thinking exercises

There are many techniques that can help you to think more positively about yourself. Many ideas can be found on the BBC Health and NHS Choices websites (see Useful contacts), or from your local Mind. This simple exercise is one example:

Make a list of several things that you like about yourself, you might include:

    *things about the way that you look e.g. I have a nice smile
    *your characteristics e.g. I am patient
    *things that you do e.g. I give money to charity
    *skills you have e.g. I’m a great organiser.

Take your time and aim for 50 different things, even if this takes you several weeks. Keep this list and look at a different part of it each day. If you are worried about an event that is coming up, such as a job interview, take the time to read the whole list and show yourself that you have a lot to offer.

Golam Kibria:
Set yourself a challenge

Set yourself a challenge that you can realistically achieve. Start with something relatively small, but which still has meaning for you. For example, you might decide you are going to write a letter to your local paper, or post a comment on a blog that interests you. Tell someone about the challenge and, when you have achieved it, accept their praise. Then set yourself another slightly harder challenge, e.g. join a night-class you’ve been interested in.

Be assertive

Being assertive does not mean you need to be aggressive or difficult, but it will help you to set clear boundaries. It means you value yourself and others, and can communicate with mutual respect.
To behave in an assertive way you should try to keep your body language open and confident, and try to express your feelings if you have been upset. You need to learn to begin to say ‘no’ to unreasonable requests, or tell people that you need more time or support with tasks that you find challenging.
Most adult education institutions offer assertiveness classes, as do some universities and colleges of further education, and many private firms offer advice. There are also several self-help books with practical exercises and tips available.

Golam Kibria:
Friends and family

If you have low self-esteem there might be people close to you who encourage the negative beliefs and opinions that you hold. It is important to identify these people and take action to stop them from doing this, perhaps by becoming more assertive or by limiting the amount you see them. Try to associate with people who will not criticize you, and who you feel able to talk to about your feelings. Having someone listen to you can make your experience seem more real, and can help you to take action.

Work


Work can provide identity, friendship, a steady routine and a salary. Some people thrive in a busy environment and enjoy working to ambitious targets; other people see their job as a means to an end. Wherever you sit on this spectrum, it is important that the balance between your work and your home-life feels right for you. If you have been out of work for some time, then you might find a short-term position or volunteering can help you build your confidence back up.

Golam Kibria:
Hobbies

This could cover anything from learning a language, to singing, to a painting class. Think about where you feel you have some natural ability, or things which you have always wanted to try. The internet, your library and adult education colleges should have details of local clubs and classes that you might want to go along to. Try to find activities that will not challenge you too much to begin with so that you can feel you have achieved something and have a chance to build your confidence.

Take regular exercise

Physical activity is good for mental health, it has been shown to improve people’s image of themselves and sense of well being. Whether you prefer gentle walking or something more active, you will almost always feel better for having done some exercise.

Try to get enough sleep

If you have trouble sleeping this can have a serious impact on how you feel about everything. Negative feelings are likely to be exaggerated and you might find you are more irritable and less confident.

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