How to make friends & build friendships tip 2: Engage in conversation
Some people seem to instinctively know how to start a conversation with anyone, in any place, be it a party, bar, health club, the checkout line, a crowded elevator, or on public transport. If you're not one of these lucky types, don't despair.
Here are some easy ways to engage in conversation with someone new:
Remark on the surroundings or occasion. If you're at a party, for example, you could comment on the venue, the catering, or the music in a positive way. "I love this song," "The food's great. Have you tried the chicken?" or "That's a great view."
Ask an open-ended question, one that requires more than just a yes or no answer. Adhere to the journalist's credo and ask a question that begins with one of the 5 W's (or 1 H): who, where, when, what, why, or how. For example, "Who do you know here?" "Where do you normally go on a Friday?" "When did you move here?" "What keeps you busy?" "Why did you decide to become a vegetarian?" "How is the wine?" Most people enjoy talking about themselves so asking a question is a good way to get a conversation started.
Use a compliment. For example, "I really like your purse, can I ask where you got it?" or "You look like you've done this before, can you tell where I have to sign in?"
Note anything you have in common and ask a follow up question. "I play golf as well, what's your favorite local course?" "My daughter went to that school, too, how does your son like it?"
Keep the conversation going with small talk. Don't say something that's obviously provocative and avoid heavy subjects such as politics or religion. Stick to light subjects like the weather, surroundings, and anything you have in common such as school, movies, or sports teams.
Listen effectively. Listening is not the same as waiting for your turn to talk. You can't concentrate on what someone's saying if you're forming what you're going to say next. One of the keys to effective communication in any situation is to focus fully on the speaker and show interest in what's being said. Nod occasionally, smile at the person, and make sure your posture is open and inviting. Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal cues like "yes" or "uh huh."
