Conflict may feel more threatening to you than it really is

Author Topic: Conflict may feel more threatening to you than it really is  (Read 964 times)

Offline abu_jafar

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Conflict may feel more threatening to you than it really is
« on: September 14, 2014, 03:58:28 PM »

Do you fear conflict or avoid it at all costs? If your perception of conflict comes from frightening or painful memories from previous unhealthy relationships or early childhood, you may expect all present-day disagreements to end badly. You may view conflict in relationships as demoralizing, humiliating, dangerous, and something to fear. If your early life experiences also left you feeling out of control and powerless, conflict may even be traumatizing for you.
If you view conflict as dangerous, it tends to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you go into a conflict situation already feeling extremely threatened, it’s tough to deal with the problem at hand in a healthy way. Instead, you are more likely to shut down or blow up in anger.
Healthy and unhealthy ways of managing and resolving conflict
Unhealthy responses to conflict:   Healthy responses to conflict
An inability to recognize and respond to the things that matter to the other person   The capacity to recognize and respond to the things that matter to the other person
Explosive, angry, hurtful, and resentful reactions   Calm, non-defensive, and respectful reactions
The withdrawal of love, resulting in rejection, isolation, shaming, and fear of abandonment   A readiness to forgive and forget, and to move past the conflict without holding resentments or anger
An inability to compromise or see the other person’s side   The ability to seek compromise and avoid punishing
The fear and avoidance of conflict; the expectation of bad outcomes   A belief that facing conflict head on is the best thing for both sides