A Blank Page (a poem)

Author Topic: A Blank Page (a poem)  (Read 5541 times)

Offline Shah - Al - Mamun

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Re: A Blank Page (a poem)
« Reply #15 on: December 09, 2010, 09:31:09 AM »
A blank page


What are you expected for
And what do you get
History of war, or a letter of love
Are you satisfied my blank sheet

What colours you do favour
What matters you do fond
A doctor can express the treatment of a patient
A grocer can keep his account
A sentence of death can be written

You can carry the news from unseen
You can bear the loving poem of a poet
You can be a certificate of one’s existence


A deed of peace may be arranged in you
Childish lines after lines in you may convey nothing
By having all the possibilities may be you remained blank
What do you desire, what do you prayer?


Hello kamrul! Its good to see that you keep writing so many beautiful poems and share it with all of us here in our forum. "A Blank Page" is a nice poem too which conveys a lot of meanings. Our teachers and other members of this forum have commented on it rightly as it is indeed a praise worthy work from you. However I would like to be a bit critical too like Umme Kulsum madam. Please check the edited version bellow:

What do you expect for
And what do you get?
History of war, or a letter of love?
Are you satisfied my blank sheet?

What colours you do favour?
What matters you do fond?
A doctor can express the treatment of a patient,
A grocer can keep his account,
A sentence of death can be written.

You can carry the news from unseen,
You can bear the loving poem of a poet,
You can be a certificate of one’s existence.


A deed of peace may be arranged in you,
Childish lines after lines in you may convey nothing.
Even with all the possibilities,  you may remain blank.
What do you desire, what do you pray?


This edited version is only my personal opinion...you might have intentionally wrote the poem like you presented here to make it more rhythmic. So please do not mind if you do not like what i suggested. I am not a good poet like you so there is a good possibility that my edition is wrong :P.

Keep writing..

Regards,
Shah - Al - Mamun
« Last Edit: December 13, 2010, 09:52:05 AM by Shah - Al - Mamun »
With best regards,

Offline cmkhasan

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Re: A Blank Page (a poem)
« Reply #16 on: December 09, 2010, 04:15:55 PM »
Dear Umme Kulsum Madam and Shah Al Mamun Brother

Thanks. As i am facing the Teacher Enlistment exam 11 of this month, I will reply you soon.
Md. Kumrul Hasan
BA (Hon's), MA in English Literature
Contact No. 01717520131/01831938893

Offline Shah - Al - Mamun

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Re: A Blank Page (a poem)
« Reply #17 on: December 09, 2010, 05:34:32 PM »
Dear Umme Kulsum Madam and Shah Al Mamun Brother

Thanks. As i am facing the Teacher Enlistment exam 11 of this month, I will reply you soon.

Good luck for the exam.

Shah - Al - Mamun
With best regards,

Offline cmkhasan

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Re: A Blank Page (a poem)
« Reply #18 on: December 13, 2010, 03:35:15 AM »
Dear Umme Kulsum Madam,

Dear Kamrul,

The very first stanza...ends with a question but missing a punctuation(?)

The whole Second stanza is without any punctuation and i think it matters more in poetry!

And the last line, is it correct" what do you prayer?"?


I have tried to write expressions, probably i emphasis more on semantic than to make sentences. You may observe I have used a few of punctuations. Firstly, in the first stanza, i have used a comma to separate expression to expression. Then there are no punctuation till last line of the poem. A comma, a long pause, and a question mark are the three more punctuations i have put there. Again, comma for the separation, questin mark for achieving emphasis. I really appreciate your such observation, I put "..." amid "What do you ... prayer?"

Once again Thank you mam. I think yr = your.

Dear Shah Al Mamun Brother,

Nice effort indeed....
I tried to omit punctuation deliberately, bro.
Thanks for joining me here.
Md. Kumrul Hasan
BA (Hon's), MA in English Literature
Contact No. 01717520131/01831938893

Offline kulsum

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Re: A Blank Page (a poem)
« Reply #19 on: December 15, 2010, 05:00:52 PM »
good luck to you boy!!

Offline shibli

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Re: A Blank Page (a poem)
« Reply #20 on: May 18, 2011, 02:45:55 PM »
"Come, come, whoever you are.

Wonderer, worshipper, lover of leaving.

It doesn't matter.

Ours is not a caravan of despair.

Come, even if you have broken your vow

a thousand times

Come, yet again, come, come."
Those who worship the natural elements enter darkness (Air, Water, Fire, etc.). Those who worship sambhuti sink deeper in darkness. [Yajurveda 40:9]; Sambhuti means created things, for example table, chair, idol, etc.

Offline shibli

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Re: A Blank Page (a poem)
« Reply #21 on: May 18, 2011, 05:48:15 PM »
"There is a way between voice and presence
where information flows.
In disciplined silence it opens.
With wandering talk it closes."
Those who worship the natural elements enter darkness (Air, Water, Fire, etc.). Those who worship sambhuti sink deeper in darkness. [Yajurveda 40:9]; Sambhuti means created things, for example table, chair, idol, etc.

Offline shamsi

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Re: A Blank Page (a poem)
« Reply #22 on: June 02, 2011, 12:12:18 PM »
Dear Shibli Sir,

Thanks for posting such wonderful lines.They are just roaming into my mind again and again.From where have you got these lines?Are these yours?-

"There is a way between voice and presence
where information flows.
In disciplined silence it opens.
With wandering talk it closes."


Regards

Shamsi

Offline shibli

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Re: A Blank Page (a poem)
« Reply #23 on: June 02, 2011, 01:24:52 PM »
IT'S  RUMI'S POEM
Those who worship the natural elements enter darkness (Air, Water, Fire, etc.). Those who worship sambhuti sink deeper in darkness. [Yajurveda 40:9]; Sambhuti means created things, for example table, chair, idol, etc.

Offline Sharifur Rahman

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Re: A Blank Page (a poem)
« Reply #24 on: June 02, 2011, 03:53:56 PM »
nice. very nice..........
 
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Offline shamsi

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Re: A Blank Page (a poem)
« Reply #25 on: June 04, 2011, 03:58:35 PM »
Thank you Shibli Sir for the poet's name.I have heard his name several times but only because of your post,I feel to venture him.Thanks again.

Shamsi
Department of English

Offline shibli

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Re: A Blank Page (a poem)
« Reply #26 on: September 23, 2011, 12:11:28 PM »
I have been one acquainted with the night.
I have walked out in rain - and back in rain.
I have outwalked the furthest city light.
I have looked down the saddest city lane.
I have passed by the watchman on his beat
... And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain.

I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet
When far away an interrupted cry
Came over houses from another street,

But not to call me back or say good-bye;
And further still at an unearthly height,
One luminary clock against the sky

Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right.
I have been one acquainted with the night.
-Robert Frost
Those who worship the natural elements enter darkness (Air, Water, Fire, etc.). Those who worship sambhuti sink deeper in darkness. [Yajurveda 40:9]; Sambhuti means created things, for example table, chair, idol, etc.

Offline shibli

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Re: A Blank Page (a poem)
« Reply #27 on: November 15, 2011, 10:39:24 AM »
On Learning to Do Better

I walk down the street.
There is a hole.
I don't see it.
I fall in.
It isn't my fault.
It takes a very long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is still a deep hole.
I pretend not to see it.
I fall in.
I pretend it's still not my fault.
It takes a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is still the same deep hole.
I see it.
I fall in anyway.
It's a habit.
I get out quicker this time.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole.
I see it.
I walk around it.
I don't fall in.

I walk down a different street.

-- Portia Nelson
Those who worship the natural elements enter darkness (Air, Water, Fire, etc.). Those who worship sambhuti sink deeper in darkness. [Yajurveda 40:9]; Sambhuti means created things, for example table, chair, idol, etc.